Originally Posted by bringtherain (Post 254206)

I'm currently going thru something similar (I think all dreamers do to some extent) if not worse... Im still struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts but I am getting better.. It reached its zenith a few months ago when I was just crying in my bed for days. I really thought I was gonna kill myself but fortunately I checked myself in to an emergency walk in for counseling at school. Talking to a psychologist and psychiatrist really helped. I told them everything that I had been holding back behind a mask that I was wearing in front of my family and friends. Putting up a facade was giving me an inner conflict to the point that I thought I had a split personality.

Thankfully, God blessed me with wonderful family and friends that are helping me through this. I just wish i opened up to them earlier. Now, I don't have to pretend that I'm happy in front of them...and they'll grieve with me.
I still can't say the simple word "good" and mean it when I'm asked how I am doing but I'm hopeful the day will come.

I will finish my bachelors by the end of September, and then off I will go away from this country. It will be bittersweet. On the one hand, I consider california as my home. I love it here. I will greatly miss my friends that I have made here. I will miss all the great memories I have made here. I will miss the diversity... I will really miss it.
But I'm also glad that I will leave here because that means I can finally have an ID that says that I'm legal. I can finally drive. I can vote! I can talk to people without the fear that they will somehow find out that im an illegal. I can finally travel!! And go on global mission trips.

I try to find something to be happy about or thankful for every day. It helps me to be humble and ...sane. Haha. I think I'm going to go on a mission trip to some third world country after I leave so I can see for myself how lucky I have been, studying at one of the top universities in the world. I want to use the privilege I had growing up in the States to help others.

Lol. Sorry for such a big rant on my part! PM me if you ever need someone to talk to. You're not alone. :)

Originally Posted by immigration truth (Post 254210)

Oh wow man, your story is inspiring to the core. Where you going off to first?

Originally Posted by IamAman (Post 254130)

All I can do is tell you about my own story. My first relationship was when I was 25 as well though I had met people before that. If you think about it, this is the perfect age for you to meet someone because you still have the cover of college to hide your secret. You have all the tools so the rest is your attitude and confidence all of which are under your control. Even if you're not going to find a LTR, just go out with someone and have fun - you can define fine lol.

Even as a Dreamer, 25 was one of the best periods of my life. Maybe at 46, I'll look back at now and think now was the best, but ask yourself this - When you're old and on your death bed, what would you give to relive just today as a young person.

Originally Posted by yaystarcraft (Post 254118)

At least you're on your way on getting your Masters! Leave the country once you graduate. A good life awaits you after you leave... I'm doing well in my home country, and just got a new job at a large international hotel chain. I guess I'll be traveling in a few years to any country except America. But that's alright :) You'll be scared at first when you land in your homeland. But trust me, it will get better as long as you try hard at finding the right kinds of job.

Originally Posted by bringtherain (Post 254206)

I told them everything that I had been holding back behind a mask that I was wearing in front of my family and friends. Putting up a facade was giving me an inner conflict to the point that I thought I had a split personality.

Originally Posted by meehx3 (Post 254308)

except tylor29,

Originally Posted by meehx3 (Post 254308)

its ok for guys to start dating at 25. most girls that are 25 are either in a stable relationship or married. the older the girl, the harder it is to find the right guy.

Originally Posted by meehx3 (Post 254312)

sometimes, i can't differentiate between whats real and whats the fabricated story i tell my friends. the guilt sometimes eats me away or something they say triggers a nerve and i just hide in my room for weeks without talking to anyone. i feel like i'm insane sometimes.

i'm glad ur ok. and thank you for sharing this with me. =]

Originally Posted by meehx3 (Post 254308)

hey guys,

thanks for all those who shared their stories.
except tylor29, i didnt appreciate the sarcasm, but i get your point.

i go through one of these episodes every now and then, esp. when someone mentions "... look back on your life and have no regrets", i start to have panic attacks and go into this deep depression that makes my eyes misty. i was going through one of those that day.




its ok for guys to start dating at 25. most girls that are 25 are either in a stable relationship or married. the older the girl, the harder it is to find the right guy. once you hit 30, its either u settle or stay single for longgggg periods of times.

when i'm old and dying, i'm scared that i'll regret my youth, how i wasted it. it terrifies me that i'll regret not living life to the fullest, how i just sort of lived life waiting for something that probably won't happen. its these thoughts that makes me uneasy and depressed.



i'm so happy for you! can i ask what country your in and what's the situation like there?

Originally Posted by meehx3 (Post 254312)

sometimes, i can't differentiate between whats real and whats the fabricated story i tell my friends. the guilt sometimes eats me away or something they say triggers a nerve and i just hide in my room for weeks without talking to anyone. i feel like i'm insane sometimes.

i'm glad ur ok. and thank you for sharing this with me. =]

Originally Posted by mexicansoccer14 (Post 254738)

Whats the point of living life unhappy? I know its tough being a dreamer but comeon suck it up. Theres people with horrible health. People that die at 17, its a horrible world we live in. It could be worse guys. Look at the positive side of things or else there really is no point in living. I've been depressed before but I just stopped. There's absolutely no point in feeling sorry for yourself.