Regret
 

Hi, to all. I've always had this question within.
How many of you regret coming to this country, regret the decision of your parents bringing you here illigally instead of trying to do it the legal way.
I know it is sometimes practically imposible to to come here the legal way and that many of you don't regret the decions that your parents made.
I lived here almost 17 years and at the time that I came here my mom was a resident. I don't know why she chose to bring me and my sister here the way she did. Fortunatly my sister was able to adjust status, but I could not because I aged out. I know that many of you will disagree with me when I say that I truly regret the desicion my mom made. Thinking back, it is not worth your right to work and your right pursue higher education. I am 27 now and have not have a life to live. It's very hard having a social life in the situation that I am in ( that we are all in). It is not worth your happiness to be in a country that does not want you here. All I here from these white people, is that they know that the immigration system is broken, but they hell won't do anything about. They could fix it but thier lazy asses could give a rat's ass. I am just tired of living like these. Thank you for bearing with me. Any responses are welcome.

Re: Regret
 

I sometimes feel like you, i often blamed my mother for bringing me here but i cant go back now only move on.

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Don't torture your-self thinking that way. Do you honestly think that you would have been better off? You've been here for a while so im guessing you understand that at least you get one meal a day. There's people in other countries who wish they could have than one meal. You obviously have access to internet so im guessing you have a roof over your head. Im just trying to let you see that here, at least youve never really needed many things.

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I want someone to blame for this but I know this isn't exactly what my mom was thinking would happen but I can't help it. I wish things were different I want a life like everyone but I can't have one I hope this gets fix soon.

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dont blame anyone. everyones here for a reason. you live an u learn. thru struggle u learn even more. if something does happen, and it will, all of us will b successful. some ppl who have it all dont take advantage. us on the other hand, once we get that chance we're going to take it and run with it and make something happen. something big! karma, karma, karma! you do good and good will come. dont worry, ur breathing, you got ur family. wanna see something sad. go to a near by freeway bridge and see those poor homeless ppl. with no love in their life.

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I have been regreting it for a few days now. My aunt died two days ago, I ahven't seen her in 20 years, and by the sound of my father on the phone I realized that he won't be around for much longer. If I had a time machine to 1989 I would have stayed back there. Last two days i thoguht about going back and being with my dad and just applying to canada from there but I am too weak to do so. Family is so important. I regret that my 22 year old sister does not know anyone back home. I also want someone to blame. I am just praying that I get to see my dad one last time.

Re: Regret
 

Hi new member here,
i have been in this country without papers for about 19yrs now, i will be 21 soon and don't know what the future holds. Often i want to go back to Mexico, my country where i could drive, work and go to school without having to worry if i am legal or not. I have wanted this more lately since i graduated high school and realized i could not pursue a higher education. I don't blame my mom because i know at the time she made the decision to bring me and 3 sisters here she knew legal or not we would have a much better life here. My sisters and i all have so much, probably more than we need, more than we would ever have had if we had stayed in Mexico. Still i understand your frustration, I am grateful for what i have but want to do so much more. These past few years i have thought of as a fueling source, its bad now we cannot do much but i believe soon if will be better. Maybe that is why we have to wait so long, when the opportunity gets here we will be sure to take advantage of if.

Re: Regret
 

I can honestly say that I have NEVER EVER regretted coming here. I am so thankful that my parents brought me here. I have never blamed them for it. I know they were doing it to give me a better life, and I do believe that I have a better life than I ever could have had living in Mexico.
My parents went through some terrible times before deciding to come here, and it was their last resort.

Even through all the shit I go through now, all the sadness and depression that comes with being in this situation, I am soo thankful.

I know that even though I can't go to school, drive, etc., I CAN afford to eat and I have a place to live. I don't have to live in fear of not having enough money to eat.. as hard as it can get here, I know I'm better off here.

And, we have a chance here. It's tough, but at least we have a chance.
So many have gone to college and done great things.

And if you really regret coming here, why not go back?

Yeah, this is your home now. But still.. if you can't see how lucky you are to be here, then i don't understand why you stay..

Maybe your situation is different and your mom should've tried to get you here legally. But you're already here.. there's no use in being sad about something you can't fix anymore.

:D

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I can't regret what I did not do willingly. That's how I see it.

Re: Regret
 

I don't regret going to the States ( 1999-2008 ). I believe I got a great education, I met a lot of nice people and I was able to advocate like all of you. Sure, there were times where it bothered me not being able to go out as much as I would have wanted. And the persistent fear of deportation wasnt nice either. But I don't regret my time there.

That said, I don't regret my decision to leave the States (1yr, 1mnth ago!) either. I have a good job in Mexico. I'm living quite nicely. The food is great. I have a loving girlfriend. I might party too much, but I've learned to deal with it =P. There isn't much else I can ask for.

Re: Regret
 

one can't simply say "if you regret coming, why don't you go back." nor should we treat the US as land of milk and honey, and to see our presence here as some sort of special gift, which implies something like ...we wouldn't be successful if we didnt come here. I (family) had a gated house, 2 cars, 2 dogs, top notch prep school, sat tv. Its not to sound boastful, but life would've been fine either way. Everyone has their own unique story and emotions about this.
I regret how my parents were woefully ignorant of immigration law and time after time missed opportunities to set things right for me and my siblings. The sad irony is that my mom's now a citizen and my dad would get a green card in 3 months if he wanted, but not only does he not want it (the man hasn't lived in this country for over a decade) neither of them really deserve it. I know...harsh, but mom merely uses her pp to travel and is ready to go back. Having papers didn't improve her life. She's had the same job for 15 years; she could have easily done without it.

My regrets are soaked in complex emotions. On one hand I hate how I'm treated as less human, and the trappings that we all experience. On the other, I can easily go back, but this is my home and I wouldn't know what to do if I went back. Most of my family is here. My gf is from here. The friends I have are all here, even the ones I had before coming to the US. My emotions and future are tied to this country. It's always easy to say "go back" but back to what? I understand where some of you are coming from, but do also understand that we all have different perspectives on this stuff, and it's perfectly reasonable for someone to have regrets, even if offends your sensibilities about felial obligations.
Just because those who cared for us made these decisions for us with the best of intentions, doesn't mean we can't have any regrets with it.

Re: Regret
 

some of the worst decisions in all of mankind's history have been made with the best of intentions. so i dont buy all these "oh your parents brought you here so you can have a better life" excuse for breaking the law and subsequently forcing me to break the law.

i cant regret something that i have not done knowingly and willingly, but i am willing to criticize my parents for their woeful ignorance and their "let chips fall where they may" attitude that have so far resulted in my current predicament.

with that said, you cant live your life looking back on what ifs. i have a life to live in the present and my life that i will look forward to in the future. im not gonna waste time pouting and beating myself and blaming everyone else. im going to school, piling up on my skills, do anything and everything in my power so that i will be ready when opportunity presents itself.

Re: Regret
 

I definitely don't regret coming to the U.S., although my experience has been easier than a lot of people and that might have something to do with my stance. But whether the Dream Act passes or not, many of us are able to go to community college or state schools or what have you, and a U.S. education is very valuable abroad.

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I agree with Bruinmann. Just because our parents wanted to do a good thing for us, it doesn't mean you can't blame them for failing. I am from Poland, and we had a good life there. We had a big house and life was great. Now that we are in the EU, there is even more opportunities. And yet my parents decided to be stupid enough to move here, without even trying the legal way, just because our country was in a recession? I am sorry, but there is no excuse for what they did. And on top of that they brought me here without telling me we are staying, they said we are coming on a vacation, so I did not even properly get to say good bye to my friends and family. And even to this day they think they made the right choice. Well, I do not and I am furious.

I try not to let it bother me, but I just cannot live this way anymore. If nothing happens this year, I am out of here. I want to became a pilot, and I love flying, and I cant do either of that here with my status. I may be young, 19, but this is already too much for me, feeling like an outcast, like a second class citizen, hell like a slave really. I imagined what my life would be if we never came here, and it would be just fine, maybe even better. I may sound like I am really ungrateful for what my parents did, but guess what? I am mad at them, and i have every right to be.

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It was a good experience living here even if i have to go back to my country.

Re: Regret
 

I was in a similar situation. We were relatively well-off in my home country, in spite of the recession. To think of it, we're worse off here than we were there. But my parents wanted us (me and my sister) to get a good education, and they thought the US would be the best place for that. (By the way I happen to think that the US public school system can be very lazy) Either way, your situation is very unfortunate mac900. I'm not mad at my parents at all, but I think they had the power to go about this (our immigration) in a better way, and they chose not to. They're very hopeful that something will pass soon to fix the immigration situation, but it's difficult to stay positive.

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I don't even though sometimes that it seems that the rest of my family in Mexico is doing great. I see the news and see in reality we have a better education and health. I may not be in the best of position but I learned a lot, and earned too. I learned what it is to work hard for your money. I learned what my parents go through. Its not nice how people treat us immigrants but there are also people who are our friends and support us, and they understand we are human too and it hurts to be like every one else and yet not the equal. Don't blame any one it just gives you a reason to fight harder.

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I can relate to you in a way. Well for one, I am from Poland as well. And two, I felt the same way you do, during my senior year in high school. I blamed my mom constantly for getting me into this situation that now created such barriers and lost opportunities. I remember being so angry at her for not thinking about how this illegal status would affect my life. But guess what, all that did was just create an unpleasant situation at home and brought about even more frustration. Blaming her did not make me feel any better and it sure as hell didn't make her feel good either. Nothing positive come out of having these arguments. Giving our parents the guilt trip is not going to change anything besides make them or us feel even worse. I am positive that it's not easy for my parents to watch me be stuck in place, not able to reach my full potential, as a result of their actions. Looking back on it now, I'm sure they wish they had done things differently or at least tried to.

Even though it might have not been a very wise and well-thought-out decision, it was also probably the best one they had at the time. And besides, I don't think that they ever expected to be illegal for so long. I mean just look at us, we thought dream act was going to pass years ago, or least we hoped so. And yet, it still hasn't.

Point is, I understand where you are coming from completely, because I've been there and your post sounded like something I would have said a year or so ago. But I realized that we can't dwell on the past and blame our parents endlessly. It simply gets us nowhere. I say cut them some slack because sometimes we just have to play with the cards we got, even though they were dealt for us without our consent or approval.

Re: Regret
 

Ok well, to me, if you regret something, it means you wish something didn't happen or you are disappointed or unsatisfied with something.
If you aren't happy about something, then why would you continue to be in that situation. I mean, it's not like you can't do anything about this. If you trully feel unhappy about coming here and wish you didn't come here, then why not go back? I'm not saying it's easy, but you sound like you would rather have stayed in your country.

I can honestly say that I don't regret coming here. Why? Because I am very happy that I'm here. I know I have a good life minus my immigration situation and I'm thankful that I was able to come here. I don't regret coming here, and I think if I did, then I would go back.

It's like someone asking me if I regret getting married? If I say no, it means I'm happy and I don't feel like it was a mistake. If I say yes, then wouldn't you ask, "why don't you get a divorce?"
It's the same thing. If you regret coming here, I only wonder why you wouldn't go back.

You have a life here now, that's true. But if you are unhappy with the fact that you came here, well then change it. If you hadn't come here, then you wouldn't have the life that you have now, you wouldn't have your gf and all your friends.

I don't know.. it just doesn't make sense to me..

Re: Regret
 

You know that word "regret"..has been a great burden in my family for as long as I can remember..I discussed this with both my parents ..and honestly they knew little of how life would be..In my home country when one hears "USA", they hear hollywood, beautiful beaches, New York, Work, a better future etc..I'm sure they felt deep regret when they finally realized it wasnt so..

In my home country we had a small business and it did well, we had a home which we constructed from the ground up, my father wasnt far from buying a new car until my aunt mentioned to him life in the USA....my mothers tears obviously explains her feelings over the consequence of coming here, but she stays strong..my father has a overwhelming amount of pride and refuses to show any regret even though i can see it in his eyes..

You kno its understandable when a american who have their rights to make us look as a disturbance or somebody in their way or even feel threatened or unsafe with the knowledge that their own country has people that they dont kno nothing about but in the end one can stand strong and deal with it..but when u have family that make u feel inferior than u are, that's when it really hurts...my brother had a chance of going to college with no problem and was only in need of a cosigner for a loan but not one of my aunt or uncles would offer to put their name..it wasnt like we are irresponsible people trying to pull a fast one..they just didnt trust us..and later on they would have the balls to ask "how were we doing? are u going to school? are u working?" and now this has passed on to me..so much for family unity..but hey, what isnt killing us is making us stronger, right?

I'm sure many of our parents/guardians have this weight on their conscience..Many of us here are young..best we can do is work for tomorrow, keep those close to us, be humble, love, have faith and hope, be you..no one can take that away from us..

Re: Regret
 

Your argument is nonsensical. You're equating a social contract you entered with your husband willingly to my choice to regret the decisions my parents made without my consent. And you keep trying to make it seem I should be glad I was brought here. I'm glad you're happy with your life as it is. Good for you. I don't particularly care about going back. I would've ended up here or in the UK anyway. All my mates from my home country either went on to university here or in the UK. Some are working as bankers, consulting, pursuing terminal degrees, and get to have the freedom to live life as they choose. My regret is in how poorly my parents made decisions that still affect my life. We may have very different ideas about what success or happiness is. Maybe to you simply living in the US is how you quantify happiness. I had already traveled to 5 countries on two continents before I was brought here, so, sorry, but simply being here isn't the height of happiness for me- even if I made these friends or entered my current relationship.

As to the argument "if you don't like it, go back"...that's always easier said than done. I've spent more than half my life here, and somehow if I regret the choices my parents made, I should simply go back to a place I'd barely recognize. If the argument could be easily rationalized in absolute terms, most of us would already be back where we came from. But it isn't.

Re: Regret
 

Ok, don't take this offensively or anything, but seriously, right after you have "reason'', it's you that has the control of your life. Your parents are not responsible for your life, especially after you have grown up.


There must had been a reason why they took you up here, and probably was a good one (hey, they knew better, you were just a kid and they probably knew more about the "real life" that you would had to live there than you currently do).

And now, why waste time regretting stuff??? Go make the changes that you want to see, you own your life, you can do anything with it, even if its not "legal" for society hehehehe.


I don't regret anything, because it has already happened. I can't go back and change it, so I don't bother. I just look forward, make plans, and expect life to be nasty sometimes, and try to make any slap on the face as an opportunity. :P

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Ok.. I was just trying to give an example.. if you're gonna sit there and complain about something in the past, then why not change it? Yeah, you had no choice in coming here, but now you do have a choice in leaving.
If you're going to sit there and bitch about it, then just leave. If you believe that you could've had a good life, then why don't you move out of the US.

I mean, yeah I get where you're coming from.. but still, if you really hate this situation so much, then why don't you do something about it.
Most of us that are still here haven't left because we love it here and we know that this is the best place for us to be.

I don't think happiness means living in the US. I want to go to college, get a degree, travel, etc.. but I AM thankful for what I have. I know my parents did their best in bringing me here. They brought me with the best intentions, so I don't bitch about it.

And if I regretted being here so much and didn't think this was the best country for me to live in, I'd leave immediately. That's why I don't understand why you complain so much about a situation you can do something about.

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I don't regret it, but I get annoyed sometimes because we really did not have to come here. I know many people have no other choice, and in their case, bringing their children to the States is understandable. But in my case, my parents dragged me here because they thought it might be fun to move to New York for a while. That is all.

I would have preferred to stay in Europe and go to school and live my life there; now I am getting used to this country and I am not sure if I want to stay or move back.

But I am glad we moved to New York. I do love it here because it is not like the rest of the United States, and thank science for that.

Re: Regret
 

Do I regret my parents brining me here? No. Why? Because, well, it wasn't ME who took said choice. At the time, and like many other's as me, I had no conscience as to what was going on and what the decisions my parents were taking. What two year old has that capacity? So basically, because I didn't take any choice, I wasn't asked anything, and I didn't make the decisions, no I don't regret anything. Why should I? No point whatsoever. Would just make myself bitter....

I do thank my parents for having brought me here. I have a rather good life, roof over my head, good education, food, basic everyday things, etc.... However, at my age, I do have to realize if nothing happens soon, I might just have to make a on my OWN, and that decision will be one I could say I regret or not: moving back to my home country. Sure, this is the land of opportunities, given, but there's only so many opportunities one can have before, "May I please see your Social Security Number and ID please?" Then, what........

It gets frustrating to know you're bound to hit a wall at one point or another. I'm lucky to live in a state that allows undocumented students to go to college/university; other's are not so. Some have their bachelors, masters, etc, but are working minimum wage jobs; where's the opportunities after graduation? Everywhere! It's not having a little blue paper card and laminated card with your name/picture on it that stops you from getting all the opportunities.

Being undocumented does not stop me from trying to live a normal life. I try to ignore the fact that I'm undocumented so that it won't bother me as much, but everyday I'm reminded of it through one way or another. And then I wonder, "Well, why am I HERE, undocumented, when there's a country on this earth where I AM a citizen?!!!" Makes no sense to me. Had my parents not moved here, I don't think my life would have been any better or worse over there. I would have had a roof over my head, food, education, and more. So really, why ARE we here? And maybe my life would be better over there. I mean, I could get a DL, travel wherever I please, get a job without worry. I speak Spanish, so getting around would be nothing, plus I have family there. Sure, I might want to come back but why would I when I could just as easily go visit France instead?

Then I think, "Well, I did grow up here, so it's not fair to just leave it all behind. I want what I deserve." There's many things I want to do and in two years, I might just have to get up and leave if nothing happens. I can't sit around all my life waiting on something that may or may not come. You can only be so hopeful and positive for so long before you start wondering if it's even worth it anymore. Would it be hard, you bet your behind it is, but that would only mean I'd have to grow up even more. Take responsibility for what I DO, and blame MYSELF for the actions I took which led me to a place I did not want: not my parents.

P.S. The way I see is this: if all DREAMies got up and left, we'd go back to our home countries well educated, speaking two or more languages, ready to work, to protect our countries: the whole package. An amazing work force gone! And then, who'd be losing the most here? I really should have an analogy for this, but gah, 1:00am, brain need caffeine!!! lol

Re: Regret
 

first off, you weren't "just" sighting an example. you felt the need to negate how someone else feels about the initial topic. You're happy with whatever you have- great! But what gripes my ass is when people like you feel the need to off retorts to someone EXPRESSING THEIR ANGUISH! You don't know me, my life, or what choices I may have, nor should you be in any position to offer advice about what I should do. It's the height of impudence and narcissism. Happy or not, it's not your place to offer a solution- as ignorantly posited as you chose.

To reiterate: I'm glad you're content with how your life has played out. You're free to express it here or elsewhere. What I don't need is you feeling the need to tell me what options I have if I'm unhappy, then pretend you empathize with me by telling me you understand where I'm coming from. This site is informational, a networking place, and equally importantly: a place for me to vent my frustrations, if I have any! It's bad enough out there, but now I need complete strangers to tell me to be happy I'm here or go back? I don't need you or others who need to negate my feelings to lift and quote my words and offer opposing viewpoints!

And that's the last I'm going to offer on this topic

Re: Regret
 

Forget regret, or life is yours to miss :)

I'm not entirely happy with the situation.. just gotta live with it heh.

Re: Regret
 

Haha, no day but today. Gotta love Rent :)

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Oh man. I had no idea it came from Rent(which I didnt know was a movie?).. haha.. I just looked it up.

It's just a saying I've pretty much adopted which kinda works on alot of my friends problems.