i'm unhappy
 

hey guys, i really need to vent.

After high school, i sort of lost my identity. People tend to consider college as the best time of their life, but life after high school was a nightmare for me.

I was happy in high school. i was social, unafraid, and unburdened. thus, i was well liked, and i had many friends.

College,
the nightmare for me wasn't the amount of school work, but was seeing people i know move on with their lives with such ease. Being able to go to school with financial aid, to work in large companies, take extravagant vacations, meet significant others, get married.

all things i'm not able to do.

i worked a job i hate all 4 years of college to pay for school, afraid to meet people i knew because i didnt want to tell them what i was doing with my life. Afraid to meet opposite sex b/c i can't deal with the fact that they might not want to be with me after they find out i'm illegal. ashamed of myself, at the same time. ashamed of the fact that i'm ashamed of myself.

i slowly started to see myself change. sometimes, i sit by myself and i ask myself, who are you and what's your life goal. i think and i think, but no answer will ever surface. i see no future for me, and that frightens me.

A year ago, i decided to leave, but my 80 year old grandma told my mom that i have no future in my home country with a BA since there is a lot of oversea people already there. i was encouraged to get a higher degree.

This year, i started my MS degree and i started to see myself in the same cycle i saw myself a year ago. everyday is the same routine, work, school, home. repeat. As opposed to the cycle i was in after graduation, work, home. repeat. and i think to myself "what a wonderful life". bitterness overwhelms me.

everyday, i slap a smile on my face to go to work, honestly i'm tired. i'm unhappy and near borderline depressed. i keep on telling myself 2 more semesters and your free. but life after leaving this country is also a question mark. i dont fit in with people from my home country. and honestly, sometimes i don't like the way they carry themselves and is embarrassed at time when i see tourists from my country. however, i dont think my home country is bad, i just think they have a lot to learn about etiquette.

i see no light at the end of the tunnel. its pitch black.
i'm 25 this year and i never been in a relationship. can you believes this. while many of my friends are getting engaged, married, married with kids, i have nothing. my parents thinks that marriage to USC is the answer to all my problems, but i can't even get in a relationship because i feel that illegal and USC spells disaster because the USC will always think your in it for the papers, regardless.

I'm definitely leaving after getting my MS. for sanity's sake. i need to leave before i jump off a bridge or something.

thanks for reading my rant. its good to get some stuff off...

Re: i'm unhappy
 

After high school, i sort of lost my virginity.

Re: i'm unhappy
 

you said you were 24. make up your mind. which one is it.

Re: i'm unhappy
 

You should count your blessings. It really helps to realize how lucky you are in reality. Even those people that have marriages and work for large companies struggle. People in our situation are usually very humble and that is something a lot of people lack, and it is hard to make TRUE friends when you think you're better than them. I struggle with relationships too. We only have one vehicle and I haven't learned to drive because of that. I'm 19, and it is a hard pill to swallow when I hear my 16 year old neighbor is getting his licence. A kid that considers me his big brother is going to learn to drive before me... So I don't ask out any of the girls I meet because I can't take them out on dates. Even when I know they can drive me around it just makes me feel like a loser and so I just leave it alone. But that doesn't stop me from making friends with them. So even though we share a common problem, try to let go of that fear that someone will not want to be with you just because you're undocumented. First of all you don't even have to tell them. And if they do find out and think of it as a reason not to date you, then you are better off. Don't let being undocumented get in the way of being happy. Because if it isn't one thing it is another. We just have to get a little stronger so our happiness is not dictated by our circumstances, but rather ourselves.

Re: i'm unhappy
 

oh and the fact that you have MS means that you're better off than most people in this forum so I'm not sure if they can give you words of encouragement.

actually, it should be the other way around. you should be telling some of these young kids who are getting through community college how they can successfully get through MS in finance.

Re: i'm unhappy
 

They meant this calender year makes them 25, it isn't that hard to deduce.

Re: i'm unhappy
 

Who asked you?

Re: i'm unhappy
 

oh ok, you made it more clear.

Re: i'm unhappy
 

it was a parady of

Re: i'm unhappy
 

I guess that is funny, but this person needs encouragement not ridicule. And that is what it seems like you were doing.