I've felt the same way for years... it's so difficult.
I did well for school for the most part, but during my senior year, I went through a horrible depression that lasted over 2 years.. I had times where I would just give up completely. The principal, my teachers would call my parents and ask "what's wrong?" They all thought that my mom's illness was the only thing to blame. It's been so difficult. I've been on the verge of wanting to just die.. I've been on anti depressants, because I thought.. If I don't take these pills, I'm going to die.. it was horrible.
It was difficult to do well in school when I knew that as soon as graduation came... nothing.
We had a class in my high school where the teacher made us apply to colleges and financial aid, scholarships.. and when someone got accepted to something, she would announce it. It made me feel like crap.. so I skipped the class the whole year.
It's hard to know that you cannot be independent. It REALLY SUCKS.
Yesterday, I woke up and started daydreaming of what my life would be like if I was legal. I stay at home most of the day, every day. I just moved to a different state with my husband and know nobody.. cant get a job, cant go to school.. so I was just dreaming of driving to the library, the park. And then, Ithought about driving to work.. and I wondred.. where would I work..??
..then I realized that the possibilities were ENDLESS! I could do ANYTHING. I wouldn't have to go apply at some run down restaurant or fastfood place and hope they don't check legal status.. or that they forget about it.
It was amazing.. lol I feel stupid.. but hey, a girl's gotta dream, right?
Don't give up..
Some days I just want to go back to Mexico and get it all over with.. to just be able to do something without worrying if I'm going to be allowed to do it or if I'm going to be judged.
Hopefully, this will all change.