AMERICAN Dream. Get it? Because I'm not American. No Dream.

I wanna fucking cry right now. Everything's gone to shit. All my plans, my way of life, it's fucking over. I'll have to leave this country to some shitty South American town full of crime and crappy people.

I sometimes wish I could have just been a poor farmer. I wish I would have never gotten to see what "the good life" is. It's like being shown heaven, then being thrown into hell.

I fucking hate this. I can't stand it and I really don't wanna fucking live just to survive. I'm fucking 17. I shouldn't be thinking about this shit. I should be out with friends, driving. Doing shit seventeen year olds are supposed to do. Not working over time and fucking trying to cram 14 AP classes that in the end I'll end up getting no credit for.

Sometimes I think it'd be better to just kill myself. I've lost count on how many ways of killing myself I've thought of this week. I feel like fucking crying every time one of my friends talks about college. It's like, I'll never get to experience that. I'll never have a dorm. I'll never be part of a fraternity. I'll never join the Army.

Ugh I just need to fucking rant. Pardon me.