Quote:
Originally Posted by bseo
it's been a year and half since I lost my visa...
It was the most devastating thing ever happened to me. Our family's failure of renewing visa was fked up cuz our business was making profit. We filed motion but didn't work.
I'm sorry but I'm not going to asian country after being white washed 
I only lived as illegal for little more than a year but feels like forever. Honestly, it's not any different from living with my visa except the fact that now I can't get green card through employment and that I have to live in fear.
Fortunately, I'm done w/ my CC, and I'm interning at a clothing store as a visual merchandiser this upcoming spring while waiting response from CSULB and SFSU. So, I do not have to drive to school anymore. I still drive around town but not too much compared to driving to school for an hour.
For first 6months, I lived in intense emotional state. I had depression(I still do probably) and I fought a lot with my parents. Even though I love them so much, I was pissed at them because they did lose many opportunities of getting different visa or even applying for green card because they wouldn't get rid of our shitty restaurant.
Unfortunately, we still have our restaurant. We have been trying to sell it since our visa was denied, but this economy is just wrecked that no one's willing to buy restaurant. I understand. It's suicidal. However, we can't just abandon the restaurant. Even though it's super slow, we still make enough to feed us. That's wat matters.
I'm really worried about how to get my funds for college but I'll see.
I don't know how you guys been living in here as illegal for such a long time.
My thoughts have been rapidly changing. I swear I was psychotic lol. First, I was on rage. I was pissed at government and I thought about committing suicide in front of state legislature building which is an hr away from our home. Then, I worked my ass off and got 4.0 to make myself smart so I can take revenge lol. After that, I changed my major from business to fashion merchandising. The only reason why I had business major was to get green card, but it doesn't matter now. So, why not do what I want? I thought I'd rather die studying what I want. I'm hopeless... I'm still trying my best but I think differently. Now, I feel dead. I feel like I'm trapped in this dark where the only way to get out is to die.
Now, I feel dead, but I also feel desensitized. I love America, but I don't have live in America. I know that I'll hate my life even more when I go back to my own country because of my super liberal beliefs, but it's not the only place. I feel like Whatever happens in my life I'll try to deal with it. If i can't, well I can say bye to this ugly world. Even though I hate my life, why not see what happens? Why not see if God is really fair? I can push that off.
I'm sorry for putting this long post up... I'm just frustrated and thought maybe this will help me clean my thoughts... |
Hey, don't feel discouraged about your situation. I myself is in the same situation as you except besides your restaurant we had a store lol. But my visa has been expired for over hmmm 11 years now? lol you know ppl like us whether with an expired visa or EWI we all share the same struggle. There's really nothing that can really help with the frustration and the depression. The best we can do is keep ourselves busy so we don't think about what were missing out on. You are actually better off that some ppl I know. Youre interning at a clothing store, i know it may not seem much to you but for some they cannot even go to college bc of the money or simply there are just no colleges that will accept them bc they are undocumented.
We've all been there, at that low points in life where you ask yourself, wth do i have to live for? Right? But in life, wether you are undocumented or a citizen or immigrant you are always given a choice. You may not control the situation you are in, but you have the freedom to make a choice in response to your situation. Now in terms of your choices that's up to you to decide but many years from now when you ask yourself why you did a certain thing and you say oh it was because of my situation this will not suffice. We are all responsible for our actions no matter the situation that preceded.
We dreamers are one of the toughest people alive lol I like to think so. No matter what comes our way, we still move forward. And i know you will too. Keep your head up, and your spirits up. We'll all get through this crazy hill one day. But for now do what you gotta do to surive, not literally but you know what I mean.
Try not to think about our struggles but instead lets be thankful for things we do have i.e healthy, no sickness., not dying.
Good luck to you and your future endeavors!
__________________
"What man is a man who does not make the world better?"