I'm currently going thru something similar (I think all dreamers do to some extent) if not worse... Im still struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts but I am getting better.. It reached its zenith a few months ago when I was just crying in my bed for days. I really thought I was gonna kill myself but fortunately I checked myself in to an emergency walk in for counseling at school. Talking to a psychologist and psychiatrist really helped. I told them everything that I had been holding back behind a mask that I was wearing in front of my family and friends. Putting up a facade was giving me an inner conflict to the point that I thought I had a split personality.

Thankfully, God blessed me with wonderful family and friends that are helping me through this. I just wish i opened up to them earlier. Now, I don't have to pretend that I'm happy in front of them...and they'll grieve with me.
I still can't say the simple word "good" and mean it when I'm asked how I am doing but I'm hopeful the day will come.

I will finish my bachelors by the end of September, and then off I will go away from this country. It will be bittersweet. On the one hand, I consider california as my home. I love it here. I will greatly miss my friends that I have made here. I will miss all the great memories I have made here. I will miss the diversity... I will really miss it.
But I'm also glad that I will leave here because that means I can finally have an ID that says that I'm legal. I can finally drive. I can vote! I can talk to people without the fear that they will somehow find out that im an illegal. I can finally travel!! And go on global mission trips.

I try to find something to be happy about or thankful for every day. It helps me to be humble and ...sane. Haha. I think I'm going to go on a mission trip to some third world country after I leave so I can see for myself how lucky I have been, studying at one of the top universities in the world. I want to use the privilege I had growing up in the States to help others.

Lol. Sorry for such a big rant on my part! PM me if you ever need someone to talk to. You're not alone.