I do see what you're saying and I may be wrong but I really think that Carl as young as he is, is definitely growing up to be a good judge of character, he needs to be the way he is in order for them to survive (he was able to tell that Michonne would be a good addition to the group).

Following Rick or Hershel's rules completely will definitely not work especially when dealing with characters like The Governor and his armed brainwashed followers. Rick is sometimes too indecisive and I think that such behavior puts the group at risk.

To your point about The Governor, I do believe that the apocalypse has brought out the worst in him, I certainly believe that his behavior would have been very different if his wife and daughter had made it and were still with him (at least he would've kept his evil side hidden from others). It would definitely be interesting to see how Rick handles Carl's behavior in Season 4.