Actually you're not that far off man, my wive's family wanted me to basically slob on their balls for their daughter's hand, and I just can't fake shit like that...so I told them than I wanted to marry her, long story short, they didn't show up to our wedding, because they didn't think I asked appropriately, and they just felt like any other guest. Of course my girl was upset, but think about it, you're marrying her, not them, so at the end of the day is about whatever you guys want, rather than what her parents want. I guess back to your point, I wouldn't pay them penny, they just want to take advantage of you, and your situation (whatever that is). I'd suggest asking your girl why do you have to pay? I wouldn't be far off by saying this...but it seems that your girl is brainwashed by her parents, trust me I've been through this. Ask her to pay your parents for you then, if that's the case. See what she says. Say your parents want $20k. Put her in your shoes.