Sorry to hear you've been having a tough time, Demise. What's our specialty in software engineering? I do the same thing.

I would recommend attending events in the startup scene of NYC. I worked for a couple of startups while I was there, and it was a great experience. Check out generalassembly (https://generalassemb.ly/education?format=events) and https://nytm.org/.

If you're willing to relocate to the West Coast, PM me and we can chat .