Quote:
Originally Posted by iDream
so what do you actually have to do to save yourself from going crazy??
Possible answers:
1.keep yourself busy.
-with what? School? well i dont have enough money to pay for school. Besides if i do finish college, what the heck am i going to do with my degree... some of you may say, well make sure you take a course that will be in the S.T.E.M program.. and my answer is like, uhmm my brain can't handle those kind of course and its too damn expensive. Work? yea i have a job. ive been working there for 6 years. ive been there for so long to the point where i can do my job with my eyes closed. But despite of me being so reliable in that job, my salary hasn't been affected. HA! i work 40 hours a week and i get paid with less than the average per hour income. aint that a bitch?
2.hang out with friends
-what friends? oh do you mean, the friends i made during high school, but ever since graduation, they went out and made something out of themselves. went to college and graduate and now they have a career? and some got married and have kids? And once in awhile some of my friends will have a little gathering to catch up, and i will get invited but i chose not to go because its either they will go to a club or a bar, you know the place where i cant go? since i dont have an I.D.?
3.Get a hobby
-Hobby? sure i have a hobby.. i love to draw.. but seriously? how far can my hobby really take me? you can only do your hobby in a certain amount of time until it gets old and boring.. and you start thinking about the reality. the reality that life is passing you by.....
4.Spend time with family
-i love my family to death. But its kinda hard to hide your emotions towards your parents.. you know that bitterness emotion with a little bit of hate? Every time i have a talk with my dad about my situation it always end up, me being angry at him. Its hard not to get that emotional with him because i feel like he couldve done something to make it better. maybe im wrong, maybe im just looking for someone to blame. i dnt know.
5.be more spiritually involved
-Im a christian. Ive talked to God about my situation. Cried and Begged. but for some reason, He's not answering me.
6.stop complaining and think about the other people who's going through harder times than us.
-Yea, maybe there are other people who's going through alot worse than I am. But honestly, the amount of stress that this situation put me in. I cant think right. Im exhausted.
so tell me, what else should I or anyone else who feels like they've done everything to stay sane? hmmmm... I'm just really exhausted and i know all of you feels the same way.
|
Wow, I thought I was the only one that felt this way. When I see people post on here, a lot of them seem to be better off than me. Honestly, if I went to college, I would be so happy, and if I had a job, I'd be somewhat content. I didn't have the money to, and I couldn't get any help, cause when I looked, everything kept saying US resident, so I ended up giving up. I now have a feeling of hopelessness that I can never get rid of. I'm in a weird position, because I'm an optimist and I try to get past things and look at the positives, but we have to deal with the regular problems that other people deal with, AND our problems that come from being undocumented. People wouldn't be able to tell how depressed I get some days, but it can be really bad sometimes. I seemed to have given up because I felt so helpless and down, and I'll get myself back up, but it's hard to constantly be talking yourself to sanity when it's the same thing, over and over, and it takes over your life. I will say though:
1. The keeping yourself busy, do ANYTHING. Trust me, even browsing through the internet, working out, learning, reading, writing, I help out at my house and my parents...that has kept me from going crazy when I'm not out with friends.
2. I have friends that have been going to college, are moving on, but they're my friends, and they understand. The ones that know, they don't get it but they understand, and will accommodate for me, and even the ones that don't (although they have to suspect by now), they do too because they think all of my problems are because I'm poor, don't have a car, which is the big mode of transportation here, which explains the lack of a job. So make friends. You never know, some of them might help you, even without their knowing. For the ID, get a passport. If you ask before you go, there are some places that will let you in. A customer's a customer. I've gone clubbing and used it as ID to visit friends at college; the worst they do is ask me little questions or look at it curiously.
3. Keep changing your hobbies. Try new things. Get Netflix. lol.
4. This one is hard for me. Can't help you there. Let me vent.I hate my house. I see them all the time cause I'm not off at college or working. I hate being mean but I can only take them in small doses.I know they had their best interest at heart. They clearly didn't think through though. Now I'm not bitter or mad at them for the past, but for the present. Cause I feel like sometimes they make it worse .My dad still gets mad when they know someone else knows. It's supposed to be our dirty little secret even though it's so OBVIOUS!! I can't drive, don't have my license, have a passport as ID,don't have a job, can't get help for schooling even though I was a smart girl and should be poor enough to get all funding??? I can be a good liar and cover up well, but I can't cover the big elephant for very long. My extended family's no better. That's all they can talk and ask me about. That's why I barely talk to them. I have nothing new to update on; only different things in my life are boys and friends. They try to tell me to suck it up, to get a job, telling me what I SHOULD do, like really? You don't think I've thought of that? I'm not an imbecile, and it's all I constantly think of, so OBVIOUSLY I've thought of every single thing you have told me. I love my family, don't get me wrong. They think they're helping, but it does the opposite.
5.
Good luck with that. I was actually going to make a post about this. I love God. But I have been so angry. I have begged for signs as to what I should do. I get signs, but not about this. I felt awful because I got angry at God. I know I'm not perfect and don't follow all of that to the letter, but honestly, I'm not that bad. So why am I like this when He knows how hard it's been? I need a break. We all need a break
6. I used to think this way. I still do. But if we don't complain, it gets all bottled up. I don't know about you, but bottling up that anger and those awful feelings I have had would've been the worst idea. I function because I let them out in some way.
Even with that I have anger problems too. I've learned to control my anger through my father, because he would never tolerate that. But the amount of anger I feel inside once I do get angry...I don't think it's normal. There are other things to contribute, but this is the major reason. My status is like the virus of my life. It infects everything in my life. In some aspects of my life, it's dormant. In others, there's an immunity. The rest, it's consumed and taken control.
The anger's subsided, but the hopelessness is worse. It's a cycle for me. Feelings of sadness/ depression/hopeless/helpless/anger. And around it goes. I will say though, I'm grateful I don't seem to have problems as severe as others. Kudos to you all on getting through all of this.