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Help them walk a mile in our shoes!
Here's another rough draft of what i plan on sending out... I am open to constructive criticism and educated opinions.
Any sentence or paragraph that I should take out? I tried making it shorter but I want to get my point accross. Do you see better wording opportunities? I wrote this from the heart. I stand behind it 100%. How can we get them to walk a mile in our shoes? A Cry for Help How can we help you understand exactly what it is we’re going through? How can we help you understand how much the DREAM Act means to us?We’ve shared our videos and our stories. We've created website that talk about our struggles and our need for the DREAM Act. But our attempts have yet to help us get our DREAM Act. Through the eyes of Americans we are seen as lazy people who like to complain instead of "just walking to the social security office and applying for a SS#". We are seen as nothing more than criminals through their eyes and we must continue to try and change this. Walk a mile in our shoes. Imagine waking up EVERY morning feeling WORTHLESS and FLAWED. UNWANTED by both your native country and by the country you’ve grown up in and have always called home. Imagine feeling ISOLATED and REJECTED on a daily basis. Everywhere you go you get PUSHED AWAY. No social security number means no license, no decent job, no scholarships or loans for college, and no ID. Imagine having to live under STRICTER and MORE UNREASONABLE EXPECTATIONS than others. You must drive at exactly the posted speed limit. You must obey every street sign and street light 100% of the time and even then you risk getting randomly pulled over by a cop. Where others get warnings and tickets you face the risk of deportation or getting a bad record, thus, affecting your chances of ever becoming a legal American. Imagine feeling completely USELESS, POWERLESS, and WORTHLESS. You know in your heart that you can accomplish so many great things… if you only had the opportunity. You see the American Dream dangling above your head and no matter how much you reach for it there's always something holding you back. You ask for help and you are REFUSED HELP. Still, you don’t give up. You continue to plead your case online, posting your story wherever you can, hoping somebody will listen and help. Instead, you go back the next day only to find DEMEANING comments and comments RIDICULING your pleas. CRITICIZING, INSULTING, and HUMILIATING you. We each carry these SCARS inside of us and with every passing day they deepen and multiply. One night we went to sleep as innocent children and the next morning we were awakened by the reality of knowing exactly what it meant to be an undocumented American living in the United States. If you could only see our scars… If we showed them on the outside… You would be more sympathetic to our situation. Our situation of living as undocumented Americans can be compared to that of a child who has been emotionally abused. Don’t believe me? Google it. Copy and paste the following: "unwanted" "worthless" "flawed". There is only one difference. In a typical abused child, the abusers can be parents or other family members, caregivers such as teachers or babysitters, acquaintances (including other children), and (in very rare instances) strangers. In our case, our abusers are ALL OF THE ABOVE. There is not one abuser, but many spread throughout. We never know who’s going to hit or when it’s going to happen. We live in constant vigilance, always looking over our shoulders. Who’s going to attack us? Could it be the newscaster on tv, a neighbor, our postman, the person sitting behind us at the movies, or even a close friend? The worst part is that they have no idea how much they are hurting us. Through no fault of our own, we have undeniably become EMOTIONALLY SCARRED. We remain stuck in limbo living in such a wonderful country and yet we remain unable to take advantage of all the opportunities it has to offer. We see people working hard to achieve their hopes and dreams and then we see ourselves working hard to achieve our hopes and dreams. Except we constantly face impossible hurdles along the way leaving us at a complete stand still. What do we do now? What CAN we do? At this point all we can do is remain in limbo until someone steps up to help us. Please help us. Please help the scars go away. Please help us heal. Please give us a cure. Please pass the DREAM Act! We came not by choice. Always called this our Home. Been waiting in limbo. We have unseen scars. We’ve suffered enough. Please give us our cure. Please pass the DREAM Act. EVERYONE GETS ONE LIFE TO LIVE. DON'T LET OURS GO TO WASTE JUST BECAUSE A WELL-MEANING GOOD-HEARTED PERSON MADE A WRONG CHOICE FOR US WHILE SEARCHING FOR A BETTER FUTURE FOR US. |
Re: Help them walk a mile in our shoes!
*stands up, clapping slowly*. Bravo sir, bravo.
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Re: Help them walk a mile in our shoes!
Sticky status.
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Re: Help them walk a mile in our shoes!
Dream Act will pass soon.
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Re: Help them walk a mile in our shoes!
:| That's what you always say.
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Re: Help them walk a mile in our shoes!
DA User = Delusional Alien User.
Enough of your incoherent posts! |
Re: Help them walk a mile in our shoes!
Great piece, I applaud your creativity and initiative.
However, I think you should remove the capitalization on the words you want to emphasize, and instead, well, emphasize them. Or leave them be. That kind of extreme emotion could be off-putting. |
Re: Help them walk a mile in our shoes!
This is beautiful! Very moving and touching. I have a few suggestions but if you already sent the letter it's a beautiful, powerful one nonetheless !
I would change this paragraph as it can be viewed negatively as you saying a problem is that we have to obey laws, "You must drive at exactly the posted speed limit. You must obey every street sign and street light 100% of the time and even then you risk getting randomly pulled over by a cop. Where others get warnings and tickets you face the risk of deportation or getting a bad record, thus, affecting your chances of ever becoming a legal American. " I also think the following paragraph is very powerful and should replace the second to last paragraph(the current one is a bit repetitive), "We each carry these SCARS inside of us and with every passing day they deepen and multiply. One night we went to sleep as innocent children and the next morning we were awakened by the reality of knowing exactly what it meant to be an undocumented American living in the United States, the only place we know as home." |
Re: Help them walk a mile in our shoes!
Thank you all for your great input. I haven't sent it out because I didn't get "immediate" input when I first posted it. I disregarded it as a delusional rant brought on by insomnia and desperation. Lol. I also put it on my Facebook page and just today I saw this comment:
: My grandfather escaped from the horrors of being Jewish in Poland. He came to Canada and across lake Erie in the late 1800's. He never became a citizen and fathered 5 children some in Canada and some in the USA. I am now 83 years old and have a PhD. I have been an exemplary citizen but I do not know where my mother was born. Let us not punish those who come here for a better life and especially do not harm their offspring. This definitely put a smile in my face :D P.s. who do you guys think I should send it to??? |
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