I know how you feel. Last year my uncle had his first baby boy and he was born very weak and sick. My uncle lives in Mexico and has two daughters
and I never get to see them. He is a Gynecologist so he is well off and did everything he could for his son. He died after a few weeks of fighting to live. I will never forget him though. When I first heard I didn't know what to feel or what to say I just knew I should pray and he would get better and everything would be okay. I kinda forgot after a week because it really didn't resonate in my head how devastating it really is. After two weeks my uncle called and he didn't sound sad at all so I thought everything was going great now. It wasn't. He told me he is struggling, but to remain hopeful and we'll get through this. He told me his name was Rosbel Gabriel. That is when it hit me like a ton of bricks. Rosbel is my uncle name and it some how finally put everything into perspective. That night I began to pray that he get better and it all overwhelmed me. I couldn't imagine how hard this must all be on my uncle. it wasn't fair. I prayed that god take my life and give it to the baby. I have had 18 good enough years. He deserved this life more than I did. I prayed for hours realizing how beautiful life really is and how even in a terrible circumstance such as this it is not worth wasting or taking for granted. My baby cousin died on May 7. I really broke down after that, but I'm better now. I hope one day I can at least see a picture of him.

I tell you this because I know you're struggling, but open your eyes. You're not the only one. Life is beautiful. Enjoy it while you can, however you can. And keep praying it will fix you inside. It has a magical way of doing so I think.