I just got approved. To recap, my timeline is as follows:

Application Delivered: 4/29/16
Application Processed: 5/2/16-5/3/16, depending on where I looked
Bios: 5/27/16
EAD Expiration: 9/4/16
2nd Renewal Approved: 9/8/16
Follow-Ups Taken:
1. Ombudsman
2. Congressional inquiry (Congressman Xavier Becerra)
3. Senatorial inquiry (Senator Barbara Boxer)
4. Service requests (Tier 1 and Tier 2 inquiries)
5. NILC flag (twice)
6. ELIS Emails
7. SCOPSSCATA Email
8. ILRC elevation (once)

I can't and won't try to pinpoint which of these things finally tipped the scale in my favor, but I can tell you that I pursued every avenue possible to get my answers. Good luck to everyone else. For those who can no longer go back to work, I feel your pain. Best of luck to everyone. I'll stick around to answer questions, share stories, etc.