Bruh!! You need to take a step back and maybe take a break from thinking about the AOS process for a little bit. You sound like a damn child. You're expecting this to be done yesterday, and all we're saying is you still have some waiting to do. Don't trip and definitely don't be rude to people who are just trying to help.

Do you think the people who dealt with longer timelines did so because their paperwork was less clean than yours? Get real, man. To echo APInfo, clean paperwork doesn't mean shit to USCIS.

You're at the mercy of the government. The last thing you should do is have so much conviction in your guesses.