Illegal immigrant students grapple with US dating

yaystarcraft · 01-16-2011, 05:30 PM

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/articl...n113710S68.DTL

Quote:

Laura Enriquez wanted her boyfriend to get a taste of her Alaska vacation last summer, so she walked on glaciers in a pair of his shoes and held up his photo when taking snapshots of the scenery.

It was the best the 24-year-old graduate student could do because her boyfriend, who was brought here from Mexico by his parents as a child, is an illegal immigrant and can't risk traveling anywhere identification is required.

For the past two years, the couple have navigated some of life's rites of passage with this in mind. She does the driving and often pays because even with a college degree it's hard for him to find work.

The death of the Dream Act last month dashed their hopes of a path to citizenship. While illegal immigrant students pushed for the bill to improve their access to education and jobs after graduation, the legislation also would have eased the often overlooked challenges of making friends and dating without papers.

On college campuses, illegal immigrant students face a social barrier anywhere photo identification like a driver's license is required: from taking a road trip with friends to bar hopping to catching a flight.

That can make it difficult to deepen friendships or relationships — or to date at all.

Nancy Guarneros, a 23-year-old graduate student, remembers how she was primping for a special night out with her boyfriend when he told her they were going to a club. She panicked.

"It's like, oh my gosh, how can you take me somewhere that requires government ID? What were you thinking?" Guarneros recalled at a recent meeting students held in Los Angeles to talk about so-called "cross-status" dating.

It isn't clear how many young couples are in similar relationships. Researchers say it would be tough to find out, but the number has likely grown since children brought here as illegal immigrants after the country's 1986 legalization program have come of age and it has become tougher to get a green card through marriage.

Illegal immigration peaked during the 1990s, with 4.5 million people arriving during the decade, according to a 2010 report by the Pew Hispanic Center. Those who arrived as small children are now teenagers or in their mid-20s.

U.S. citizens and green card holders date illegal immigrants at all ages, but researchers say it's probably more frequent on college campuses, which foster diversity and create a space where students feel safer revealing their status.

It's especially likely for those students and 20-somethings who were brought here as toddlers and grew up on American cartoons, speak flawless English and have American friends.

Many never knew they were illegal immigrants until they learned at age 16, unlike their peers, they couldn't get a driver's license.

"They go through Americanizing experiences. They grow up watching Barney and the Power Rangers. They go to prom. They do all these things American kids are doing," said Roberto Gonzales, a sociology professor at the University of Washington.

"What happens at 16, 17, 18 years old is when everything becomes real for them, they can't move through American rites of passage," he said.

Over the last year, many of these students made national headlines pushing for the Dream Act. The bill would have provided a route to legal status for hundreds of thousands of immigrants under 30 years old who were brought to the United States before age 16, lived in the country five years, graduated from high school or gained an equivalency degree and who joined the military or attended college.

The legislation shot down by the Senate in December was championed by immigrant advocates as a first step toward a broader legalization of the country's 10 million to 12 million illegal immigrants and was reviled by critics who said it would fuel uncontrolled migration.

Issues like dating and friendships may seem trivial — but not to teens and college students yearning to fit in.

Illegal immigrant youth often become angry and depressed when they learn they're living in a country not truly their own and can't find work, said Carola Suarez-Orozco, professor of applied psychology and co-director of Immigration Studies at New York University.

And while getting an education and a job top their worries, students say they also struggle to have a normal social life.

Dating isn't easy, especially for young men who can't drive and often don't have cash to pay for a date since they can't get a steady job.

The students are also viewed with suspicion by the families of their U.S. boyfriends and girlfriends who think they're after a green card.

"That's like the biggest elephant in the room," said Erick Huerta, a 26-year-old college student from Los Angeles.
"In my last relationship, she actually told me her mom told her, 'Mija,' be careful because you know those people, they only want one thing," he told the students at the meeting, to a chorus of chuckles.

For those who date illegal immigrants, there's a constant worry their partners will get deported. They find themselves making excuses as to why the couple can't meet friends at a bar or travel.

Both are often consumed by guilt: citizens, for the privileges they have; illegal immigrants for the burdens they shoulder.

And that's before they graduate from college. The pressures only get harder when they leave the safety of campus.

Marriage was once seen as a sure-fire ticket to a green card. But many illegal immigrants now need to return to their birth countries to apply for papers and will be barred from returning for a decade unless they get a special waiver.

Enriquez said her boyfriend has made himself a promise: he won't wed until he's already got his green card so there's no doubt that he's marrying for love.

That's fine for Enriquez, who is in no rush to get to the altar. But she wishes they could travel together like other young couples.

For now, she'll have to be content to share her journeys with him through photographs, including one of herself holding up his picture with Alaskan glaciers in the background.

In some way, he's been there, too.

I don't know why it's so hard to go to a bar... I do it all the time with my passport.

iNeverHadAChance · 01-16-2011, 06:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mikesandy

I myself have parents that have the "immigrant" status (not undocumented, however) and there is a limit placed on the "type of women" here in America that I could date, according to my parents standards. That is another reason I wanted the DREAM Act to pass, so it could broaden your horizons on dating and make the chance of getting a girlfriend easier.

Pretty much there's just white women and black women here, and some black women do date white men, and of course white men would date their own women. So that leaves us out and creates a complicated problem.

Um.. and then there's the hispanic women and asian women who are undocumented and wants to marry white UCS.. that leaves out undocumented white, black, hispanics, Asian and Arabic males lmao

Qualia · 01-16-2011, 06:49 PM

its not that hard....

Pursuitofhappiness · 01-16-2011, 06:53 PM

This article just shows us how hopeless we are at this moment.

RayMan4 · 01-16-2011, 11:30 PM

sighhh.. story of my life. Idk how things are with you people in major cities with good public transportation that everyone takes. Here in Orlando its shit to get anywhere.

TexasDreamy · 01-16-2011, 11:41 PM

Yup, story of my life too. This is a big Texas city and like all Texas cities, it's a major pain in the ass to get around without a car. All I have is an expired passport with a childhood photo of myself (and the information is all handwritten so it looks shady as hell) so it's not like I can go to bars or frankly any other place. It's school & home for me and unfortunately I'm engineering so it's not like there are any girls to meet and due to my coursework, I don't have the time to get involved with any activities. Forever alone :/

RayMan4 · 01-17-2011, 12:00 AM

Yeah, plus theyre are barely any girls doing engineering man. I'm on the same boat.

sabzon · 01-17-2011, 12:36 AM

someone smart enough should start a marriage/hook-up site for undocumented students with citizens, but be subtle enough to brand it as anything BUT that, since that would be illegal...

Dreaaamerrr · 01-17-2011, 01:46 AM

Ohhh man. Yes, dating is definitely harder for us. Luckily, I'm a girl so I have a bit more room for excuses for not driving and such...."protective parents don't want me to work" "I rather use public transport before I begin driving - as an experience" blah, blah, all excuses. If I wasn't illegal I'd be doing everything as a normal person my age does.

Although my boyfriend is completely clueless of my status, he is very accepting of my weird way of life and we make things work beautifully. So, I'm very thankful.

yaystarcraft · 01-17-2011, 01:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TexasDreamy

It's school & home for me and unfortunately I'm engineering so it's not like there are any girls to meet and due to my coursework, I don't have the time to get involved with any activities. Forever alone :/

I dunno... I think there's already a lot of drama living life as an undocumented immigrant. Dating (for me at least) seems like inviting potential problems. All the bad guys who frequent bars are so willing to give me a green card for a relationship while all the good guys are impossible to find in the city. Being alone isn't ideal but at least I'm not dealing with drama.

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Illegal immigrant students grapple with US dating