boyfriend
 

i have been with my boyfriend for almost a year and i love him so much but he doesn't know about my current status. i just feel almost ashamed to tell him (i know i shouldn't, but i think you all know the feeling i'm referring to) because i don't want him to look at me differently. i know he loves me very much and he tells me every day that he'll love me no matter what, which is why i've been contemplating on telling him about my status, but i'm just so afraid of his reaction. i don't know if i should or i shouldn't or even how i should do it if i decide to do it. i'm still very hopeful for DREAM to be passed this year, but if it doesn't, i think that i should tell him about my status just so i don't have to keep hiding it from him. i want him to know me completely and fully because i love him. any advice from anyone that has gone through the same situation?

Re: boyfriend
 

There was a thread similar to this one a while ago. You can check it out here.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Re: boyfriend
 

Don't do it! Does he like you for you or for your status? The only reason to tell him would be if he proposed to you. Otherwise Pssst...

It's not relevent to your person. A piece of paper (or lack there of) doesn't make you and he should be able to decide if he likes you or does not like you without that information.

Re: boyfriend
 

Reaper what exactly did you gain by telling this person your status. You just said that she did not love you any less. She did not love you any more for you lack of papers, did she? And then you state the fact that you are no longer going out. Which precisely attests to our point in why not to tell. Why would you want somebody to have this power over you? People change. Relationship dynamics change. You don’t want to have someone use it in a coercive way if the relationship does not work out.

Once you tell someone and that information leaves your mouth you can no longer control it. You don’t know who else she/he will tell. Why would you want to make yourself vulnerable? I know you think that the person that you’re dating at the time is the most ideal person and appears to be perfect in every way. That’s why your dating him or her. But people do break up, people do change, and people do some cruel things to each other.

Re: boyfriend
 

I second that!

Re: boyfriend
 

Now that we're on topic, how would you respond to "where are you from?" and "oh so youre a resident or a citizen?" if you want to keep your status to yourself? lie?

Re: boyfriend
 

only YOU know your boyfriend and what kind of person he is and whether or not you can trust him with this. my advice would be to tell him since you obviously trust him right? I have been with my bf for almost 5 years, with breaks in between, but i told him after 1 year of dating. it was really hard for me to tell him since i would also wonder of what his reaction would be. me telling him only made our relationship stronger and he understood me as well. he supports me more than my friends do i guess the bond that you have with your significant other is more personal than the bond you have with your friends. what i mean is that sometimes they can make you feel better and hug you and show how much you mean to them in ways that your friends cant. its obviously more of an intimate relationship. but i advice you to tell him that would be when you know how he really feels about you and whether or not hes willing to support you. i guarantee you that once you do you'll feel more relieved.

Re: boyfriend
 

I was in the same situation, when I started dating my now boyfriend. We knew each other as only friends that were in the same organization at school. We met and talked randomly nothing ever came out of it. Then one day on my birthday of all days he asked me to hangout with him, I really didn't think much would come of it. Until I started to get to know him. He was truly a great person, intelligent, attractive, caring, out going and fun. SINCE we were only dating and nothing was official I decided to keep my situation to myself, up to that point only my closest friends knew of my status. The more we dated the more I felt scared to tell him only because I was very affraid that he wouldn't understand. Plus he is very passionate and I was affraid that he would have a negative scheme in his mind of immigration. Anyway he and I made it offical I was his gf. As happy as I was to have him in my life, I didn't know how long I should wait to tell him. I felt that the longer I took the worse his reaction would be. After all if I wanted to have a healthy strong relationship with him I had to be honest with him. I couldn't go on hidding why I couldn't get into the club or continue my education or travel with him.

One day he asked me what was wrong and I told him I couldn't tell him why I was upset, that it was personal and that maybe one day I would be able to tell him.Then one day (i think it was meant to be) I called a lawyer, I guess mostly to prove to myself that I hadn't left any stone unturned so to speak. I talked to the lawyer she said there's nothing you can do but wait. All I remember was that we were at the gym, I was outside in the waitting area and I just started crying. Crying out of frustration. I turned to my right and then to my left and saw him with a sad almost hopeless look on his face. I ran up to him I hugged him, I didn't know what else to do. He held me in his arms and told me that everything would be okay that I didn't have to tell him anything. But I couldn't keep it in anymore it was driving crazy, and with the help from god I spilled the beans, I started with I have to tell you and you can't tell anyone about this because it could destroy me, and my family. I told him everything from beginging to the point where I was that day, and told him that I completely understood if he didn't want to continue the relationship. After all this was my fight not his. He told me it wouldn't change anything. Nothing has changed and now a year and half later we are still together, very much in love. I know it sounds like a cheesy story but it's true.

When all of this happened we had been dating for about 3 months. The thing that gave me the courage to tell him (other than praying every night to every saint I could possibly think of) was that he was raised by a very loving woman, his grandma and that man raised by such a caring person could be a cold hearted and not at least try to understand. Three weeks or two weeks after I told him about it, I was pulled over in a check point. I can't imagine what I would have done to explain why I got pulled over. But because I told him about I felt safe in calling him to help me. He picked me up and later helped me get my car. I think that it all happens for a reason had he not known I would have had to explain it to him, and I don't think that would have been the best way. It helped him see what I was going through and what he was up against I suppose and helped me see that I could trust that he would be there for me no matter what.

It made our relationship very strong. I know that I can trust him with anything, I mean I basically gave him the power to destroy me right? Now I guess in a sense it's our fight, and on the days that I feel completely out of control and sad he's there and understands where I'm coming from (and if he doesn't understand he at least knows why I'm frustrated and angry). The point is that if he loves you your status won't change how he feels about you and if it does then he doesn't really love you.

I hope this helps you somehow, I'm here if you need someone to talk to!

Re: boyfriend
 

[If you dont want to lie] You could always respond "I'm in the process of getting my papers" This way you would not be lying since the dream act is in the process of being passed (we all hope) and when/if it passes you will have your papers.

Most Americans would probably leave it at that because most of them have no idea and really dont care what the process is to get papers.

Re: boyfriend
 

It's your decision to tell him or not. If you trust him, I say go for it. Speaking from personal experience, telling my boyfriend was the best thing I could have done. It's not always easy to keep everything to yourself and sometimes you just want someone to listen... being on DAP is one thing, but actually talking to a person face to face about something like this is far better. My boyfriend listens everytime I need him and an added benefit is that he helps our cause by calling, writing and bringing up immigration to his students so they can debate the topic.

I didn't really even have to tell him I was undocumented... he pretty much figured it out from the moment he heard about me. Actually my past two boyfriends figured it out on their own, but they didn't care. If anything, they gained more respect for me and all the DREAMies out there.

A word of caution though... for those of you who have only been dating a few months... I wouldn't say anything until you're absolutely positive they can be trusted. There was a person on here who broke up with his girlfriend who he trusted and told about his situation and she called ICE on him. I don't think anything happened, but it's a risk, especially when it's a new relationship.