telling my boyfriend

do you guys have personal experiences with telling a boyfriend/girlfriend about your status? i have been with my boyfriend for about 8 months now and i'm absolutely in love with him but i'm haunted every day by my status and wonder how he would react to it. i know he loves me, but i still have this crazy fear of telling him about it. i don't want him to think i'm using him to marry him so i can get my papers. i would not do that, i love him way too much to use him for that. does anyone have advice on how/when i should tell him? any advice would be much appreciated.
-thanks

Don't do it he will think your with him because you want papers.

I think you should tell him when a situation comes up in which u have no other way but to tell him...
If you do, tell him you got no intention on marrying him at all, and that if hes uncomfortable with it, tell him you understand.

you think this goes for males as well? I've been wanting to tell my girlfriend, but I feel like things are way too smooth as they are.

I say you tell him now. You can't wait until the opportunity comes up because you don't know when that will happen. You've been together for 8 months already, and you say he loves you. It's definitely hard but you'll feel so much better with him knowing and supporting you.

Maybe you can tell him you have a friend who's undocumented and explain to him what the DREAM Act is. See how he reacts, and if he's okay with it, tell him that friend is you? I don't know. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

I read your previous post, and I can totally relate to both your I'D dilema and your telling your boyfriend dilema. I've been with my bf for 2 and a half years and I still haven't told him anything... when our realationship started to get serious, in the begining I felt so guilty that I didn't share my status with him. My bf is a U.S. Citizen so like you I'm afraid that he'll think that I'm just with him to fix my status.
I also consulted with the ppl here on DAP to get their advice, and they all said it'd be better to hold off on telling him for now. Its been 2 and a half years now and I haven't told him anything... I've put my status in the back of my head and quite frankly its been better than stressing about my situation and debating wheather or not to tell him.

I think that the main factors in deciding this is: Do you think the you bf might get mad and use it against you if you break up in the future? Do you think he will keep the secret? Do you think his family will be okay with it?
And also be aware that you are not just putting your self at risk if he decides to reveal your status, if u have family members who are illigal your putting them at risk. I'm postive my bf wouldn't do any of the above, but I decided that I rather be safe then sorry later on, especially after a break up, ppl are very emotional and some unpredictable.

I think that now that I'm getting close to my 21st birthday it will be harder to explan why I don't have a DL or an I'D card but I'm hoping that DA passed this year. So my advice is your bearly going to be 20 years old DA might pass some time this year I suggest that you wait and see what happens with DA.. Once DA passes you might be more comfortable sharing ur status w/o fear then now when we have nothing.

Btw we seem to be in simular situations so if u ever need some one to talk to pm me.

I, on the other hand, have a very different testimonial about this..

Me n my girlfriend have been together for 7 months and I told her about my status 2 months ago. She reacted in such an amazing way that it proved how much she really loves me. Obviously I didnt imply anything about us getting married for papers or anything but I told her about the Dream Act and how hard my situation is and she understood bc her mother is undocumented as well. She didnt offer to marry me or anything right away but she did say that I have nothing to worry about and that she is so extremely glad and thankful that I trust her THAT much to come out like that. I also told her that in order for us to have a stable future I'm gonna need that so that we could have a economically stable relationship and she agreed and after a couple of weeks she said she wanted to help me out because she had been thinking about it and she really loves me and she would never think that im using her for papers or anything of that matter so she wanted to help me have a better life.

I think it's all about HOW you tell your significant other, if and WHEN you do actually tell them, make sure to say that you have been waiting patiently and that you have no problem with waiting longer so that he/she doesnt feel pressured and thinks that youre telling them so they can marry you. Make sure to mention that you only want the best for both of you and that having papers will not only benefit you but both of you because you will both help each other out in the long run. This will also let them know that you're not being selfish and you dont want everything for yourself.

My advice is that if you guys TRULY love each other then he will understand and if he truly loves you then he'll actually thank you for telling him since it shows you really trust him.

Telling my gf was the hardest and best thing i have ever done and trust me, a HUGE weight falls off your shoulders.. you'll feel SO relieved. Theres a time and place for everything though so just wait until that right moment comes up. You'll feel when the time is right. Just like the first time you felt like telling him you loved him.

I've never had to tell a boyfriend about my status, but I have had to tell my best friends. The last friend I told, he found out about it last week. I have known him for almost two years, and he was very kind as he listened to me between sobs.
The people I told are the people that I know are reliable regardless of their relationship with me.

You need to know in your heart of hearts that your boyfriend can be trusted.
Sometimes our judgment can be shrouded by love and we trust somebody blindly when we shouldn't.
As a human being--not as a boyfriend--can he be trusted?

thank you so much to all of you!

OMG! I am new to this website, and I am so HAPPY that I'm not the only person struggling with this very issue. I have been dating my bf for almost a year and I have not told him either out of fear. It scares me to death! I love him SO much and I don't want him to think that i'm using him as well. I can't help but to run all the scenarios in my head. Things like:

*what if I suddenly get detained and deported? How will I explain?
*what if we do get married and we would like to travel abroad (when I know I can't)

I feel so alone...it's like the only friend that knows is my best friend of TEN years (and I JUST told her a few months ago)

I've lived here all my life, just started nursing school, and try to do the right thing, but it just feels like everything in my life is literally dangling on a thread. I don't know why i'm crying right now.... But I am glad that there are other people my age (21 next week) and just other people who know EXACTLY what i'm going through...

Maybe I'm so afraid to tell him because it is the DEEPEST secret that i have, and i don't feel ready. Even though we have always promised to be open and honest with each other...my status is just that one thing keeping me back. Let's definatly continue to support one another.