In need of comfort.

Hello everyone. I'm not so new here. I wrote a thread a couple months back explaining my situation, but I forgot my screen name and password so I had to make a new one. Well my name is Marlenne and lately I have been feeling so lost. It's like I have no one that can understand my situation. Not even my friends or parents. I am currently attending a community college and working. The reason why I feel lost is because I feel like the things I'm doing or not going to get me anywhere, but I also know it's better than not doing anything at all. Like if I graduate college and get a degree..what am I gonna do after that?? I'm not gonna be able to obtain a job because of the lack of a ss#. I am 19 years old and I still have to depend on my dad to take me to school and work. I feel so dependent of my dad for many reasons and it just kills me sometimes because I feel like he is wasting his time in driving me everywhere . He is also illegal, but has had his license since we've been here (14 years) because of when they actually would let illegals obtain a drivers license. Sometimes I feel so left out because all my friends drive and are already independent by themselves and I'm still here being dependent off my parents. I get so angry sometimes at the mere fact that I can't drive myself anywhere and I just get so emotional that I start crying until I forget about it. But then once again the situation arises and I start thinking about it and start crying again. I guess I'm just depressed because of everything that I've been through and I always pray to God to help me and my family get through this, but I always feel like my prayers don't get answered. I've literally lost hope in this dream act which seems like it's the only way I can finally stop living in the shadows. My dad always tells me why I'm in such a hurry to drive and I tell him it's not even the fact that I want to drive so bad, it's just the fact that I've basically grown up in this town all my life and I feel like this is the place where I belong and it just hurts to see all my friends that I grew up with and went to pre-school with doing things that I can't do. It hurts me alot. My parents always tell me that something is going to happen soon, but I've been told that for 5 years now..when I actually started asking questions about my status and I've just given up hope. I want to go back to Mexico sometimes, but there is no point. I haven't been there in like 12 years and it wouldn't feel like home even though I was born there. But also even though this is my home --Texas-- I feel like I'm not wanted here. Like that song goes.."Ni soy de aqui, ni soy de alla." I don't know, I just feel like I stress this driving situation too much. I cry over it all the time and it angers me that I can't do the things that others can. I should be lucky that I work a good paying job and attend a school with financial aid, even though I'm illegal. I guess there is only so much more I can take of this situation until I finally give up, you know? I don't know who else to talk to about this and my first stop was this forum because I know someone out there can understand what I'm going through. And all I need right now is some comfort really...

The minute I began to read your post, I immediately was able to understand exactly how you feel.

But first, welcome to DAP . This is just one of the many reasons why this forum was created--to have a support system for DREAMers all over the country.

Believe me, it is no different for someone who is about to graduate from college within three months. And I would like to tell you that eventually we do have options in the end even with a BA in hand. Some of us find meaningful experiences, like being part of an organization, among other things.

But you won't need to even worry about what you will do after you have your degree because I fully am confident that great changed will come within the next two years. I know you probably have heard this over and over again, but really, this time it's for real. The situation cannot be ignored any longer and we are working hard to bring ourselves to the light so America can acknowledge our presence.

Please do become an active member. We welcome you to DAP!

I completely understand your situation. I think we will have reform before the year 2011 for sure. As soon as a Democratic president takes office, he/she will do something about it. That's great hope. For me, it helps to have some sort of backup plan in case immigration reform doesn't come. You could always plan to go back to your country and try to go somewhere else legally. That helps me to have hope in my future instead of feeling like life is a dead end if there's no reform.

i rarely post in this new member post but today i feel is a good day. dude i got to tell you when i was your age and even younger i had the same problem, even still now i do... and that’s the reason why now i live in a big city like Boston where I can take the train.... see, when i was 17 i used to take my granma's car and it was cool at first as i never got stopped. However the time came and i did, and that took the anxiety for some months as they didn’t let me drive no more, i got to tell you tho I’m not someone who one can say no easily. i than made up new car keys and took the car after 11pm when everybody was sleeping to go clubbing. and it was fun and so on, but then again one time it was snowing and i hit another car, lucky me that I was close home. so i push the car back to the garage and the next day I got a lot of caca because of that. my point is this we young, we want things now and i can’t blame you. I’m just like that, and sometime a little hardheaded. however i do many things to support myself and to make it out there that are not the right way to do it. i know, im 100% conscientious of my actions, but sometimes is really good to stick it to the man just like he has to us. now I’m fighting the world on my own, rent, food, tuition, and women. But i got to tell you i feel good about it. i feel like I’m working tours something. I’m not advising you to leave your house and try to make it on your own, because it’s really hard and that could be a hit or miss if you don’t know how to do it... but to me it seems that you doing fine with your family, you got to be smart sometimes tho. find the loopholes, if a state that gives driver licenses and is close to you than go and try, if you can do it other ways, than try.... all I’m saying sometime you got to go out and take chances. Remember is not about how hard you can hit, is about how hard you get hit and get back up and fight.

"Remember is not about how hard you can hit, is about how hard you get hit and get back up and fight." This is true.

Marlenne, all of us have been in that same situation but don't feel bad. At least you have your parents to drive you around. When I was your age my dad was in mexico and my mom did not know how to drive, so it was very difficult to get around. Today it is different, I have my own car and I drive to school and places without a driver's license and have done it for the past 6 years. Like some one mentioned before, you have to take chances, sometimes you win sometimes you lose.
You mentioned that you want to go back to mexico, don't do it. First finish your career and then consider all your options. At least that is what I am doing. Once I finish with my career, if I have to go back to mexico, I will do it, but just to get my passports and document ( my identity) and look for other options somewhere else. Well good luck, and may God Bless you and your family.

What part of Texas are you from?
I am from the Rio Grande Valley and I am attending UTPA.

Thank you guys for all the support. It really makes me feel better as I read your replies. When I wrote that post I was really feeling emotional like I had something inside bottled up that I had to let it all out and I guess now that I let it all out I feel much better. I'm so glad I'm not alone in this and I really wish everyone out there that is going through the same thing doesn't ever give up. Y'all give me hope, my parents give me hope, and knowing that I'm doing something with my life with the possibility of no reform..still gives me hope..Atleast I'm doing something, ya know? As much as I wanted to give up the other day I didn't. I just felt like dropping school and everything, but I know that is not the way to approach this situation. I once again thank you all for supporting me and for the advice. And to answer your question Guerrero..I am from a little city just out of San Antonio, Texas. I've been living here for 14 years now and I attend a community college--SAC--, but hopefully plan to transfer.