Do you lead a "double life"? - Page 2

tired..tired.tiredtired...can't breathe

I don't tell anyone, only close friends who are in the same situation know.

I'm glad I'm not alone. Thanks for the input, guys and girls It makes me feel so much better to go on here and see how we can all relate. I don't have anyone in real life that really understands the crap we have to go through...

This is my shame. My secret. I don't share it with anyone because no one understand and I don't want pity sympathy.

I used to be very naive... I used to think that my situation was so bad that there was no way people wouldn't sympathize and understand. Let's just say I fell face first on the dirt thanks to that && I really wish I hadn't blindly trusted so many people.
Now-a-days I'm much more selective of who I tell these things to, & most of my new friends & acquaintances don't know. Sometimes it really sucks, cuz you never know who you can trust, & sometimes you really wish you could tell a specific individual, but you get so scared & you beat yourself on the inside.

My bouble life is just like ya, but me i dont have alot of friends that i talk for more than two minutes because eventually they start to ask questions. My life is made up of alot of studing which i plan to make my plan A and B. If it doesn't work out here, it works out there.

i told one of my friends only because he's illegal too lol..

i told 2 of my friends because i was considering marrying one of them. the 2 doesn't talk to me anymore. They're USC's. When i bump into them they would still say whats up but it feels like they don't see me the same way anymore. Like i have some disease or something. it's kind of sad. Another reason is they're afraid to be an accessory to a crime....whatever chin up

i used to be scared, but now i tell everyone, including the barista who gave me my coffee this morning. I am undocumented. so what. the end.

Oh wow those people need to be beat up. LoL no j/k but still, assholes! Damn. I'm sorry.

Yeeeaaahhh I like that attitude hahaha I wish I had the same kind of courage. Damn.

Of course I lead a double life! None of my friends know about my situation. They BELIEVE I was born here because I grew up with them since we were in Kindergarten. We attended the same schools, had the same family problems... etc. Both my best friends since 7th grade, 'til this day (I'm 22 years old now), do not know about my situation because I know about their family views. To watch them go to NYU and Yale --and know your own capability-- and be sized down to a mediocre college. It's both embarrassing and just something I rather not share.

Even past boyfriends who I've dated for years have never suspected anything. I've never told them and I don't think I'm ready to "come out" of my shell yet. Until someone convinces me to spill the beans, I choose not to. It's too hard and painful. They say, psychologically, people push the pain from the past to the side (and almost forget about it). That's what I've done.

It's easy for me to be behind my laptop and express my feelings because it's not like I'll ever meet any of you; or have my most embarrassing secret be put on the table to be exposed to the whole world. (To feel naked in that sense)

Sometimes, I feel like one day, I'll wake up from this nightmare and know that it was just a dream. That everything will be fine. To wake up and realize that my older brother (who has tried to hold his composure for years; making it seem as if everything's OK) never have a break down or felt vulnerable. Or never feel that your whole life was all a big lie. Or never feel like I'm reaching my breaking point.

But for now I'm still in this nightmare and I pray someone will wake me up...