i lost all hope

My name is bianca. I was brought here EWI by my aunt because my mom didn't feel like dealing with my at 8 sleepin litteraly in dirt and a blanket. I always knew I was illegal but like eveyone else it didn't effect me till I was 18. Worked so hard to be a good student for nothing. Decided to take matters into my own hands and married at 19 to a Navy citizen just for the papers. It didn't work out because he didn't keep it all business. Had a baby at 23 and married his dad a citizen. And now I'm stuck in this world of abuse and everyday crying. The threats and the knowing of there's nothing I can do. I would just leave but my I have my 3 year old. I would just leave this world and knowing my son would be ok. I manage to work my way up to college sdsu but had my son and well.... U know. Now I lost all my friends, don't have family here, my lawyer said I'm pretty much f@*%ked.

No thats a lie, if you are being abuse like you say, there is this thing called visa U that is just for ppl in your situation. I would would look up info on that. Here is the link!

http://www.usimmigrationsupport.org/visa-u.html

Ok yeah I looked up with at least 5 agencies and lawyers asking them about vawa or u visa. And because.he hasn't beat me to almost death they say I don't qualify. Since I don't have a restraining order and still living with him I don't qualify. I just don't know anyone here. He knows I'm dependent on him and knows I won't walk without my son in my arms. The thought of suicide goes through my head everyday. As an illegal I feel stronger than the average person but once you have someone telling you evryday how worthless you are it starts to sink in. So everyday I pray for the dream act to go through...

Hey chaiobabyblue. There are two separate issues here.

The first one is your legal issue. The second is your psychological/emotional issue.

When it comes to your legal issue, that needs to be clarified between you and competent legal counsel. Your emotional state won't change your legal state, so I suggest you keep a stiff upper lip and focus on doing your best with your legal status.

As for your personal problems, you know as well as I do that you've made some mistakes in your life. It's important for you to take a step back and think about the mistakes you've made and how to move on in the best possible way. Don't destroy the life of your child, don't destroy your life, and don't destroy the life of your spouse or ex-spouse.

Letting negative emotions control you will lead to bad decisions. Be resilient. Find a support system, whether it's a church, a charity, a counselor, a friend, whatever.

There are many people here in the same situation as you. I'm sure they can help you out.

I think first comes the well being of your 3 year old and you. Don't ruminate about the mistakes, think ahead. Police are usually compassionate toward these type of cases, but you will have to make your case. Have you taken pics of the abuse, can you prove it convincingly? Once you report it to the police, they can issue a protective order immediately and in some states, he will get charged with domestic violence whether you want to press charges or not.

The bottom line in my opinion is that if you feel your life or that of child is in danger, then you should immediately report it. If you can, call your local police hotline and ask to speak with a woman police officer, and ask for some advise. The purpose is to find a police officer who would be as empathetic as possible. In any case, unless you are in a known anti immigrant state, then the possibilities of their asking for your papers are very slim. In theory, only AZ and VA are doing this right now.

Hello Bianca!

There are times that a lot of people feel hopeless and helpless but I think you shouldn’t focus on what you don’t want but focus on what you want. I think that one of the things you should do when you feel hopeless is focus on the accomplishments you have done in life so far. As far as life goes, we can never predict what will happen. For instance, you have a plan A, and intend on sticking to it, however a plan B may come about. Sometimes a plan B can work out for us, and sometimes it doesn’t. I think one of the things you can do is put a list together of the things you want to accomplish and do your best to stick to it.

It seems like no one is around to motivate you so you will just have to have the confidence in yourself to motivate yourself. I can’t say it will be easy but this is your life and you have to be in charge.

Also, I don’t know if you ever heard of meetup.com
You actually get to search for social groups that you're interested in and you can join as many as you like, and it’s free (in your local area). I was involved with a few groups last summer and I have to say this website is great. There are plenty of people who have similar problems and will share their stories with you. You could meet up with them, talk about it and see how they move on or at least try to.

Maybe this is the time for you to reevaluate your life and see what is important to you in life and what’s not. There can be new goal for you to achieve, a new person to look for-perhaps. That is one of the aspects of hope-expecting to find what’s just around the corner.

An unhealthy emotionally relationship is unlikely to be repaired because you guys have established patterns of how this relationship works. Unless a drastic change happens, it will continue this way. You always have to be aware of what someone is capable of so if he did it once, why wouldn’t he do it again? So it doesn’t matter whether he apologizes because it won’t change things.

I recommend getting out of this relationship as soon as you can because he doesn't deserve you and you don't deserve to be treated this way. I don’t know where you live but as Invictus mentioned earlier try to look for a church or charity that might be able to help you. Also, I understand that you have a 3 year old child which complicates things even more. It's actually even worse for your child to be raised in that environment because it affects him/her as well.

Sorry for turning this answer into a book but I hope I answered your question adequately and didn’t offend you because that was certainly not my intention.


Good Luck!


Dorina

Thanks everyone.... I don't mean to sound like a sad and pathetic case here. I just felt like venting and it easier to do it when ur not known.

Your absolutly right dorina I should focus on the things I've occomplised and keep focus. I thank you for taking your time and telling me how it is.

I know I made many mistakes in my lifetime but I know I have to find a way to make it to the top where I know I belong. Thanks evryone

You are so welcome Bianca!

Just remember that there's always room for improvement. It doesn't matter how bad your life has gotten,try to improve it regardless of how much time it takes to do so. After all "life is what you make it".It's never late to improve your mistakes.
What usually happens is,we get lost into others expectations of us which should not happen and when we don't live up to their expectations,they try to avoid us and to them it doesn't even matter anymore whether we live or not.

Remember ->>> "We are not here to please others and live up to their expectations".

OK this is it I guess. If you have any question you could send me a private message or email me.

Good Luck!

Hugs,

Dorina

Does your hubby work? Next time he's at work, plan your escape. Plan it well! Imagine in your head what you will need, take some diapers, a few outfits for you and for your little boy, and try to have some money in your pocket. Rehearse all the steps you will take and then RUN, don't walk, from your abusive relationship. If not for you, do this for your child who at 3 years old probably sees how this man treats you and abuses you. That's not healthy - by 5 years old children have absorbed so much knowledge about what goes on in the world and how it works. Do you want him to grow up in this situation?

Please, please PLEASE seek help. There are shelters and places where you can go and tell them you are afraid of going home because of your husband being abusive. You will find a lot of compassionate people who are willing to help people like you. My sister works in a community health center and she has arranged shelters for women who are in bad relationships. Do you have an outreach center for lower income/minority women near you? Living away from this man will also make for a more convincing case for your u-visa.

I wish you luck and please keep us updated... whatever you decide to do I hope you choose what's best for you and your child. Keep your head up.

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