my name means dream in Hindi...and im NEw, hi =)

It feels really good knowing I'm not the only one in this position. I hate it. I don't know what to do. Sometimes, alotta times, I feel like giving up. I try n listen to my mom's "have faith in God and have patience" nonsense, but thats not cutting it. It's 5.38AM and I'm up thinking about what the hell I'm gonna do with my life, what can i do?

Anyway Im new on this, My names Sapna, Im a 21-yr old female and Im living in Atlanta Georgia at the moment. I'm moving to Brooklyn NY soon so that my younger brother can get his HS diploma from a nY school and have the opportunity to go to college. This is my story.

I was born and raised in London, England. Those were the days I remember being content with my life. My parents decided to move to NJ when I was 13, my younger brother was 8 and my older brother, who was 20, stayed in London and went to University out there. We came here on a business visa, which allowed my dad to have a SSN but the rest of us were "dependent" under him. As long as he could prove that he had a running business in the US, we were fine to stay here. So he opened up a grocery store in Jersey City with his best friend from childhood. Things were fine for a while. I was a freshmen in HS. I hated it because I went to this school where all these rich kids went who had coach bags and drove benz's. So anyway, one day my dad got a phone call from his mother [in India] saying that his father was really sick and that he should come to India ASAP. So of course, my dad went to India for two weeks. Within those two weeks, my dad's "best friend" and business partner, sold the store and took all the money from the bank account [because, as much as i hate to say this, my dad was DUMB enough to have the bank only require ONE of the partners to sign to remove any money]. My dad returned from India. His best friend from childhood told him what he had done and refused to give us a dime. So we were broke. For a while our family in London sent us some money so that we could pay rent. My mom worked at a travel agent who paid her under the table. I was a senior in HS by this time. Our visa status was running out that year. Luckily I applied to colleges and got in before it ran out. After I graduated HS, my dad sold out house in London and with the money from that, he opened up a bistro and my mom, dad and younger brother moved to Texas. The bistro was in a building that had mad offices and it seemed like it would work well. Until the offices closed down. The bistro failed. Now we had no money and no property at all. My parents and younger brother were in Texas and I was at Rutgers in New Jersey. I received a letter from them saying I had been deregistered due to "financial obligations." This was freshmen year. I was seriously depressed, suicidal. Of course, I began drinking excessively, smokin weed, smoking cigs and basically doing all the things I would never expect myself to have ever done.

Anyway so one thing that keeps replaying in my head is something my mom told me. She told me that one night while they were in Texas there was a power outage and she couldnt cook anything for dinner. They didn't have enough money to even get MCDONALDS. Guess what they ate for dinner that night? chips and salsa. When she told me that, my heart broke in two. My lil bro who was prolly around 12 at the time couldnt even eat dinner.

So after that, someone that my dad knows offered him a job in Atlanta as a motel manager. My dad, mom and little brother lived in one of the motel rooms and she paid my dad cash. I was re-registered at school and we were doing ok for a while. I feared for my dad's life every night. This motel was in one of the ghettoest places I've ever been. Crackheads, rapists and prostitutes roamed the premises. One morning my dad walks into the front desk area....and finds the guy that works the night shift DEAD...stabbed 24 times. The night shift guy had a wife and two kids - 9 and 5. I prayed to God everynight when I was in Jersey and they were in Atlanta to keep my family safe. I graduated from Rutgers in MaY - double major - journalism and psychology. The lady that owned the motel that my dad was working for told my parents they had to leave cuz she was selling the motel.

So that brings us to where we are now. My parents are jobless. We dont have any money saved up. Oh yeah I forgot to mention that my older brother, the one that stayed in London when we moved here, he moved here when he was 22, graduated as an international student, got sponsored by MetLife and works at Exchange Place by NYC. He lives in Jersey City, pays his own rent and takes care of himself, and me too. A part of his paycheck goes straight to my account every two weeks. I love him to death, I dont know how my family would survive without him.

Now we're still in ATL ..borrowing money off family in London to pay for rent while my dad looks for a job. Today he went and got a buncha boxes because we're moving to Brooklyn so that my lil brother can go to college when he grads Hs in two years. As soon as we get to BK I need to find a job that pays cash [IF ANYONE KNOWS ANYTHING, HELP A SISTA OUT] .

The funny thing is I applied to a buncha jobs online. Just yesterday I got a call from a Media corporation on Broadway asking to set up an interview. Of course I set one up, and of course, I'm going to have to cancel it.

I'm so tired of not being able to do things that other people our age are. I'm 21 and I get picked up from the movies by my parents because I dont know anyone in ATLANTA. I feel pathetic. I couldn't go on spring break to the bahamas with my friends because I cant leave the country. THe most annoying thing is that now that Ive graduated people keep asking me "what Im doing" now and I dont know what to say. So I have to say Im taking a break. And then hear them telling me how theyve got this awesome job in manhattan doing what they always dreamt of doing. They drive their cars anywhere they please and they vacation wherever they please.

Everytime I feel like I'm losing hope and faith, I think about what my mom says. And it helps. A little. It gets me through the day to see tomorrow. Hopefully our DREAM will one day come true.

Its now 6.07AM ...and I need to get some sleep.

BY THE WAY, "SAPNA" [my name] means DREAM in Hindi =)

Welcome to DAP, Sapna.

All of us have similar stories, some more dramatic some not, but in the end we are all in the same boat.

welcome to the forum