what do I do now? :'(

I was so happy when I got my DACA 2 or 3 years ago. I just barely made it. I was 29 and I thought "Finally! Things are going to get better!"

It helped some. I now have a drivers license. I have a reliable job where I know I'm not going to get fired for not having a green card. I was able to go back to school and last Nov I became a CMA.

Since Jan I've filled out a bunch of applications for CMA positions. I've gotten a few interviews but I have not been hired in that field yet.

I don't know what's wrong with me and why everyone hates me. I don't blame them though. I don't like myself either. I have zero self esteem. I used to be too shy to talk to anyone because I felt so inferior as an illegal. But now I'm just angry. I have no friends and I've never had a boyfriend! I'm over 30!!!

I'm unhireable, unfriendable, unlovable, unmarriable.

The only person I hang out with is my sister. We're close in age. But she's so conceited. If the conversation is not about her she doesn't pay attention. She shows no interest and offers no advice. When all I do is give and give and try to help her as much as I can! To help me save money so I could pay for school, her and her husband rented me the basement. When they were getting divorced her husband threw me out and she sided with him EVEN THOUGH HE THREW ME OUT FOR SIDING WITH HER!! And even then I still helped her out though he difficult divorce. Where she would cuss me out and insult me every time I offered some advise, which later she would take but NEVER apologized.

The last straw was at Christmas. She got me a dildo because she said I needed to get laid. How can she not see how FUCKING OFFENSIVE that is in so many levels?!!

I'm done with life....

But here's my question: Can a therapist even help me if the way I feel is based on how shitty my life is and not because of an "imbalance" in my brain????? Or maybe it's both?

Wooowooowoo, chill the fuck out. You get a work permit, a DL, and a job. You are better off now then when you had nothing. Go out and make friends, just talk to people in school. If you can, move out to get an apartment, and stay away from your sister for a bit.

I think the important thing is to focus on the positive, and stay away from people that are negative (which is hard when it is a family member). Talking to someone could be helpful.

I'm also 30 and I have never had a 'serious' boyfriend. I tried dating while undocumented and it just didn't work. And it is hard playing some catchup to our peers. I have been dating now for over 1/2 year, and while I haven't found anyone I want to seriously date, I am putting myself out there.

It is also ok to have these feelings. Having a work permit/ driver's license etc does not magically make your low self esteem disappear. The best advice I think is to stay busy, start new hobbies, exercise, and work on feeling better about yourself.

I understand what you are going through...

It sucks but when you come to think about it, you're on your own...

Just be positive, you never know what will happen to you and we all know that being undocumented is the toughest thing in America, there is people like us to help you and hear you out..

I didn't believe in Karma but i know it'll all come back and after a hardship like this, good will come.

Thank you Swim19 and dreamact9090 for your comments.

I kept myself very busy these last 2 years, "living my dream". I have my own apartment, I just bought a car (not the one I wanted but it's reliable and better than all the pcs of crap I've driven before). I've been working full time and going to school full time. I had to switch to a second shift position to be able to complete my CMA internship hours. I quit smoking, I passed my certification test and I started going to the gym.

I guess now that I have free time, I have way too much time to think and it's all negative things. I fear I might be entering a depressed state. And as much as I tell myself "Not now! Your doing great! Don't give up! Keep going!", I agree with my thoughts. They make complete sense.

I am a loser. I'll never have a boyfriend or husband or kids. I don't have friends. I do drive people away. I have this thing where I've been stepped on and bullied when I was younger. Now I don't take crap from anyone and it's affecting my job. Let's say for example a coworker comes and asks me a question and while I'm explaining it to them, they interrupt me. I see it as a sign that they have zero respect for me and from that moment forward I stop talking to them completely without thinking about it twice. It's not good. I need to change or something needs to change.

What I don't know is... Is this something a psychologist can help me with?? Should I seek counseling?

not having a boyfriend nor getting laid has nothing to do with your immigration status so don't mix the two issues. You can get a job anywhere and do anything in life now so not being there is in your head. I don't know you but hitting the gym always helps, maybe go on meetup.com to be more active. Hell, go on Tinder and get laid if that's the problem.

The fact that you're self aware enough to know that you may have some issues, makes me think that you are smart enough to understand, reflect, and change your way of dealing with your emotions at those given times.

Dont complicate your life because you have no boyfriend or no sex? Because in reality you can make it happen less than 1 week if you really want it. 2nd you should be thankful for everything you have accomplished with Daca. Dont take important things in life for granted.

The most important step in addressing an issue is recognizing that you have one. What you say about your coworker is not good. But you see it, and it's good that you see it, and with that you can make changes. I'll be honest, I was an outcast, I was also bullied. When I grew older and made some friends I thought about every single thing that they did or say. If they didn't invite me to do something or they said they had to work; I would feel left out and I wouldn't talk to them for a long time. I dated some people, but it would never work out and I'd be single again in a month. I avoided them, I didn't talk to them.

I was miserable. But I let myself be miserable. I let myself be excluded because I was jealous of my friends going out with others and not inviting me. I changed my mentality. I should be happy for my friends having fun. And I learned why they didn't invite me often, because I worked too much. I enjoy the times we spend together and not worry about losing them, because getting to know them better and spending more time with them you better understand them and form stronger bonds.

As for the dating. I used to think I was a loser and that I could never have a long term relationship. But I no longer think that. I am honest with myself, I was never interested in the people that I dated. I'd preferred to have been just friends in hindsight. But I'm still discovering who I am. That I am a great person and that I should work on myself first. When I look at all of my achievements, look at where I come from, and where I want to go. It's those kinds of things that make you excited. Those things make you who you are. And it makes finding someone easier when you know who you are and what you're looking for. Don't pressure yourself "I have to find a husband or else I won't have kids." No. I should have fun now. I'm having the best time of my life because I'm independent and I deserve to enjoy it.

You'll find happiness my dear. Don't beat yourself. Do what you enjoy doing. And you'll find friends and a husband along the way. *INTERNET HUGS*

Thank you for your words and for the hug Malign0n. I've been noticing I start getting all depressed and sentimental around the same time each year. I'm smart enough to know to hang in there because good times will come. But it just sucks that I can't help feeling this way. I think I'm going to schedule an appt with my doctor and see if she recommends therapy. I am not strong enough, or at least, I have not been strong enough to change my ways on my own.


As for the whole "husband thing" and "getting laid thing"... To sum that up, I want someone to love me and miss me when I'm gone and someone to be there when I come home. My sister was the one who rudely and inconsiderately decided I needed to get laid. Personally, I have been there and done that, but it means nothing if there's no love or passion for each other. I've been in love before many times, but nobody has ever been in love with me, or at least they've never mentioned it.

In general, I'm the type of person who does things wholeheartedly, but my heart always ends up breaking.