Legalization through marriage - Page 10

Originally Posted by lemonlilly

how old are you? this is not meant to be insulting, but because it might help us give you different advise reliant on your age.



this is partly why i wonder what your age is.

i am not religious, so my opinion may be influenced by that. however, that said, maybe plant the situation to your family from a different perspective, rather than from a deviant one: you need to do it this way in order safeguard your life in this country.

from what you write, it does not sound that you want to go this route to go against your family or because you do not care about what they think and feel; in fact, it is the opposite. you sound very concerned, so here, maybe you should tell them just that; that you understand and want to honor their beliefs, but that this is a very tricky situation that may not allow you do so for now - however, keep in mind you can get married through the court and have a religious wedding later.

i got married through the court last December and did not even tell anyone, because i did not deem it necessary. we got married because we love and each other and want to be together - the only reason we expedited our decision is because far more ahead than i in life in terms of education and finances, so in order for us to live the way we want to, i need to break through, so to speak.




what concerns me here is not your family but rather that you are saying this is not something that you want. if this is not something that you want, rethink what you are trying to do.



as mentioned by MIdreamer, clearing your EWI should be your first step, should you decide to move forward.

there is a possibility of obtaining AOS without clearing your EWI, but that would consist of moving back to your home country while they reach a determination or of meetings the requirements for the former condition to be waived. both of these scenarios are more difficult, especially the latter.



these all could be big obstacles. my suggestion is to make a list of all the things you would need to do/change and brainstorm ways to confront them, should your BF turned husband not be able to carry yours weight, so to speak, for the next 6-12 months post marriage.

Originally Posted by Alice17

I've always known this was the only route for me. Funny thing, two of my best friends were with me watching the vote count, and one of them even offered to marry me to help me stay BEFORE the results came out...... if only I had been a lesbian (she's bisexual), then that arrangement would have been SUPER believable..... I wish I had a significant other.

The highlights of my "love track record" consist of the following: one blind date (at 13, if you can even call it that), a guy who tricked me into giving him my phone number in high school (no loss, he was creepy anyway), a "what if" moment with a guy from my physics lecture (he never talked to me again after I told him I couldn't meet up, which sucked because he was super cute), a guy who was a friend of a friend (I panicked trying to figured out how he even got my number and told him no, and found out later that a friend did because she felt "I was ready to date"), and a (maybe) date with another friend of a friend few months back. We never really talked afterwards and left it at that, we just ended up focusing on our own priorities (I was finishing up some courses and he was in the middle of animation projects).

I always wanted to marry for love, and hoped I'd find someone eventually. But now that Trump's president..... I just don't know what to do. I'm going to have to fully commit to this whole dating scene somehow and hope it pays off and happens before my EAD expires....... assuming DACA's going to be around after Jan 2017. Assuming it will be, anyone got any good tips? Some things I should keep in mind? Any good sites??

Originally Posted by complicatedc33

Over the last two days I have been stepping back in the idea of marrying. I know it's my only option, but the thought of it makes me sick. I have been trying to trick myself into going for it. Even though I have been with my partner for 6 years I resent him. I hate how he doesn't work as hard as I do. He doesn't save money like I do. He doesn't suffer like I do. I just dont know what to do because I know I'm going to continue living here. I do appreciate him, and care about him. I just see marriage and a ceremony an obstacle. It makes me sad. I love myself and my hard work. I feel like a marriage lowers me, what I stand for. I need to help myself save myself by marrying. I just need to suck it up and make it happen. I really don't know if I'm able to pull it off. It doesn't help that I am a little bit of a feminist, and do not want to be taken by a man and a paper. The clock is ticking I need to start right now asap. Then maybe they will continue to let us do advanced parole. I can save myself. I just have to suck it up, and do this. I have been flip flipping all over the idea. I'm really scared of what's going to happen. #icant

Originally Posted by lemonlilly

being a feminist really does not have anything to do with the above.

from your post, it does not sound like you want to get married because your have reservations about getting married. that is OK, and something you need to think about. however, getting married is not opposite feminism and getting married does not mean that you will be "taken by a man and a paper." that is conflating the issues.

everyone has different thoughts about everything. however, one this that is true is that you can change your thoughts and your perspective of things; it is normal, healthy, and often good.

i used to think getting married was a sign of weakness - a sign that i could not do it on my own.

but big sentiments like that often require more reasoning. rationally speaking, this is not something that we can do on our own--man or woman--because of the way the laws are currently set up. we need to be helped by someone and there is no shame in that; IMO, it is better to ask for help than to sit idly and do nothing.

Originally Posted by anaheim1503

Me and my significant other have been together for over 7 years and we're planning to get married through court soon. Is there any checklist/requirements list that I can show her so she has a little bit more understanding? We're going through a lawyer, but I just want to get stuff ready to make the process as smooth as possible