depressed!!! help!

HI Everyone!!!! well I havent log in in this since wow!!! along time ago.....but this last month, I have gone through alot. I Cant anymore!!!!!
I was share this with all you....is kinda of my actual story.....

WEll.....here I come..Everything started last year(h.s senior c/o 07) I become active in my church, I'm mormon [LDS]. I would have this class before school at 5:30am. I would do this every morning, then i would go to school. I was really into it. I even become the seminary class president. REally KOol! =] I was really excited and I would do this because I really felt the spirit of God and Jesus Christ in my life. =] Well as i become active at church, it early Nov. 2006 when in my AVID class we started college applications. I was really excited!

Well I dont know how many of you have heard of BYU..famous mormon university! well I had really good recommendations and I applied to the 3 of them located in Utah, Idaho and Hawaii...I also applied to many other schools....like UC Berkely, Riverside, Merced, Santa Cruz...etc...but my top first was BYU UTah....my dream!!! =]

You know when it comes March, april and may you start hearing from acceptance letters. I was anxious to know what schools was i accepted to....but the one i really cared about was BYU Utah....well they came..the first one was UCR wow..i was excited...then UC berkeley wow!! dat was the bomb...I was like the 4 person in my entired school...all my teachers were really proud...but then my nightmare started...when I was rejected in BYU Utah...damn that hurted!! I was crying..full in tears...DRaMA...i thought the world was gonna end...


I kinda got over it....after I got the BYU Idaho acceptance package...then That was my option..

But then the real stuff came.....

WEll it was really kool!! that was my decision BYU Idaho....I was being supported at church...while at my house I never was. Yeah I make some calls to BYU-I as a member of the church I got a Private Grant...and a scholarship...well my tuition was basically paid..I then got some help with housing...with contacts from church a BYU graduate was helping find a cheap place....well the point is that my college problem was "solved"....I was like then "QUe alivio" I'm done with school, I'm pretty much ready to leave CA and start a new life in Idaho..

BUT!!!!! when i was going to register for classes I couldnt!!! they asked me for a SSN!!!!!!!!! ??????? I was shocked.. =O That was it...the end of my life....Yeah I tried..i called BYU and talked to a bunch of ppl....noting..they had no answer for me...I was screwed...that was late Aug..07

I had no backup....=/

On top of everything I had a bunch of stuff going on in my family....my mom didnt want me to continue with school..my sister was divorcing....big arguments/fights with my mom...and the only person who supported me MOVED!!! out of state...I was by myself!!!

I had this friend of mine,,she was going to Calstate LA...she told me that they were still accepting late applications...I applied!! I was accepted. I went to orientation..financially i was going to get a loan from church...bcuz i had no money at all..ZERO!! i was pretty sure to start school sep. 20-07.....a wk before this date I found out I couldnt get the loan....and I had no job bcuz my boss sold the store where i was working as a cashier....I was basically fired! =/

the same wk...I had a huge fight with my mom..i ended up moving out of my house.....
like my dad lives in Colorado and he'd told me b4 to go overthere I was like since i cant longer go to school here well I'll go with him and I'll c if i can go to CC over there...I called him..he never picked up..well I found out he was in jail..immigration got him...
SInce I'm a spiritual person I was so confused!!!!!! bcuz I knew i wasnt doing anything wrong and this was alot for me...

I was/ still by myself...I cant anymore!!!! I've even thought of suicide!! guys I need help...I'm so depressed!!!!

TOday! i went with my bf and his family to leave his stuff in UC Santa Barbara...I was really sad!! I felt like a losser!!! he was the only one left and now well he got his own way..ready to start his life in college!

Right now...I feel I dont know so confused, depressed, sad, disappointed, so many feelings that i dont even know how to express myself.

I feel so lonely no family, no college, i have noting! I dont c a reason for me to b here. I have no reason to live for.

by the way my name is virginia. and I'm 18.

any advice? concern? let me know! i need support...

thanks =]

wow theres not really much i can say to make you feel better, but please try to look for help and please dont attemp anything against your self, im also a c/07 grad , i was also in AVID while in high school >__< i couldnt afford a four yr so i ended up going to a cC.. and its pretty cool if i should say, maybe you should look into that, remember that here in cali. we get instate tuition so its not that expensive.

Virginia, First and foremost NONE of us on here are trained professionals, and if we were you should NOT be getting this sort of help online. Please seek the help of a trained professional near you. Contact your local state mental health facility and they will refer you to someone who can help you.

Hey Virginia, I know what your going through because my situation it's kind of like yours See I just graduated High here in California A few months back and I know what you feel, You Know I have this mixed and confusing feelings that I feel, Sometimes I feel Anger and Jealousy against my friends for no reason but because they are at their university of their dreams, and well I chat with them Online (myspace) and they are always bragging and rubbing things on my face about how cool university is, etc... And sometimes I feel so down and depressed because of my situation and the situation of millions of young adults like us, But I never give up hope But sometimes this world beats me.

Anyways I'm 18 as well though I haven't been able to enter any college or university yet because of my status I haven't found a job these lasts months, and well In my family I can only count on my mom because My dad past away when I was 10 yrs old, But my mom can't help me pay or support me because she pays the Rent and Bills and for the food I eat every single day! So I feel like if she pays for college for me I would feel like I'm stealing from her! I Just Can't do that! She's told me she would help me in any way she can but seems impossible! As for now from all the people and friends I knew from High I'm the only one out of high not getting an education right now! You Know But I will Never give up, I'll keep on fighting for my education for my life. Think about this do you think God would want you to perish by your own hands? Do not loose faith, God it's with you, You're never alone, Never! God does not forgot those people who suffer each and every day! No matter what happens Always wish for another day in your life! Because another day means another shot at life! I wish you the best Please don't be depressed Just thinking that someone in my situation it's depressed makes me feel more depressed as well! I WISH YOU THE BEST!

Well... Why don't you try to get a job that doesn't require ssn? Or better yet, apply to city college in your state in the Spring semester. And don't commit suicide because all problems are temporary. Just wait for the vote on the Dream Act.

I went through a similar situation, where I tried to go to a private Christian college (Bob Jones University). But clearly, God didn't want me there because all the doors to that path were closed. Maybe God's will for you is not to attend Brigham Young...

I know how you feel as I have gone through phases such as these where I felt ready to give up - completely overwhelmed by the injustice of it all. You cannot let this affect your self-worth. It is far too easy to let this situation make us all feel unworthy, consume us with despair, and leave us powerless to act on this cause. Please speak to a counselor. Life is too precious to forfeit.

Despite our status, there are hidden opportunities everywhere - we just need the courage to look. Volunteer, remain active in your church group - do anything and everything that brings purpose to your life. Take it one day at a time.

Above all, please speak to someone you trust.

i agree with some of the posts here....you should talk to a proffesional...just because they might be able to help you in ways we cannot...


BUT i can tell you that when i was a junior in high school i had those same thoughts....i really didnt see the point...i had worked so hard and nada...nothing....but you know what...i heard a voice from God...you believe in GOD and i think that is a good thing because he will give you comfort. Please...do not give up just pray to God for a clear path....

GOD can never interfere with our own choice or with somebody else's (i think thats why evil exists in the world and why the immigration laws are so mixed up.) but God will help you find a path in your life and follow that path...just pray for that...

there is a light at the end of the tunnel..dont feel sorry for yourself you are amazing the circumstances you are in are a challenge to you...should you chose to take that challenge or not just know that you are capable of taking it and that you will get through it....

Dear Virginia,

I sympathize with your frustration, pain and anger. I wanted to attend a Christian University but I couldn't afford it.... God opened the doors for me in a Cal. State. Eventhough I went through so many hardships to obtain my degree God has been faithful and he continues to be faithful to me. I'm not a Mormon but I'd like to share with you a verse from the bible that has ministered to me when I feel down and overwhelmed with life. "..... but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us......"

Note: Those thoughts of suicide do not come from you but from the enemy who is working hard to get you depressed. Don't give in to those thoughts. You sound like a bright young lady with a tremendous potential, but life is not easy. Persevere, have faith and hope! If you like this verse, I suggest you write it down and keep it somewhere handy where you can refer to when you feel angry and/or sad.

all i can say is god only gives u what u can handle...even though it might seem tuff u will find a way..with all that said i do agree with the above statement u do need to contact a pyschiatirc professional..they cant turn u down its illegal especialy if u r havin suicidal thoughts

first of all, where do you live right now? you said your mom kicked you out? I really hope you have somewhere to live and a way to feed yourself. that should be the priority (you should probably ask your church for help if you don't have the basics).

the next thing i'd do is try to get a job. i know it's not easy (heck, i don't have a job) but it's really the only thing you can do. spend all your time looking for a job. i don't know if it's easier to get a job in cali, but talk to anyone you're comfortable telling your situation to. maybe a friend of a friend type of thing will come up where you'll be offered a job.

remember your high school accomplishments and use them whenever you can. when you talk to people, tell them what your gpa/sat was. carry your transcript with you if you need to. what you did in high school will set you apart from the average person that needs help. keep that in mind. you could also go to the community college near you and see if there's any way to get scholarships to pay for your schooling. since you got into uc berkely, i'm assuming that you were a good student. they might have enough scholarships to help you out. if your situation keeps getting worse, go to random churches and ask for help. i know this will be very uncomfortable for you, but any church (even if it's not a Mormon church) would probably be willing to help if you're in desperate need of that help.

one last thing: please don't give up on life. life is about having problems. once you get out of this, you'll probably be the toughest person you know.

good luck. and remember everyone here wants to help you.