Do You Ever Wonder...

Hi everyone,

I'm not really new here, but I tend to read others' posts rather than post my own. I just like the comforting feeling I get whenever I realize I'm not alone, because regardless of my wonderful and great friends who know of my situation and completely feel sympathetic, no one really and truly knows, do they? Unless they're experiencing it themselves. It can really be quite lonely. And it can also be a struggle, as I often find myself thinking while my friends go on and on about things happening in their lives, that so much is insignificant or trivial. And I know that has the potential to sound incredibly self-centered, and honestly, I try very hard not to be judgmental, but when you go through something as life-altering as this, it can be difficult not to deem other people's "problems" as completely irrelevant to your own life.

Anyway, I'm not going to spend hours posting my story, but I am going to summarize it in order to preface a question I have for the community. I am Korean, and was brought here at the age of 5 with my brother (who was born here in the US) and immigrant mother. We overstayed our temporary visas, which was very easy to do as it was long ago before terrorist attacks and immigration rules and also, we were living in California, a very lax place with pretty lax rules. We moved around from place to place, scraping by but getting by, and ended up in Virginia, which is where I am now (super strict state, boo). Fortunately, I've been incredibly blessed and do have a legit social security number as well as driver's license, and amazingly, I went to a top liberal arts college that KNEW about my situation and STILL granted me a scholarship (they can be sure that in later years, I will provide generous endowment to their school). I graduated last May and am currently working (great, but unpaid) internships in my field of journalism and nannying for families (I have to be make money somehow!). Some of the families are family friends who know about my situation and are truly outraged at America for holding me (us) back; it truly helps to have such supportive people around me. Because sometimes, as much as I know that this situation isn't my fault, there still is some stigma attached to being undocumented, isn't there? It sucks, but it's true.

Right now, I'm 22 years old and applying to graduate schools. If accepted, I will be able to go because I have co-signers in order to receive loans. I'm currently living with my mom who has received her green card - just recently - and life is good (as good as it can be I suppose), but here is my current dilemma. If I don't get into school, I don't know how much longer I can keep waiting here in the US. What if my life just isn't meant to be lived here? I was a French minor back at school - what if I just up and move to France and begin a whole new life somewhere else? Sounds dramatic I know, but I've been thinking about this a lot. And my mother agrees with me. I know immigration reform is on the horizon (fingers crossed) with the presidential election, but slowly this situation is starting to take a toll on me, mentally and emotionally. I'm increasingly afraid I'm going to break. If you know me, you know I am by natural disposition, a happy and optimistic person. But this is starting to change me, and I don't like it. Who knows if it's temporary or permanent? But either way, it's unwarranted. Does anyone else know what I mean, or do I sound absolutely insane?

I recently read the book "Eat, Pray, Love," and it somewhat inspired me to just do some soul-searching, and realize that the oft-taken path is not necessarily the right path for everyone. Sometimes we just need a break, and sometimes we need a change. I don't know if I'm in need of the former or the latter, or maybe even both, but more and more these days, I feel like I want and need to get out of here, the US. Living here isn't for everyone, and I'm beginning to wonder if I'm included in that category.

Any thoughts?

I nanny too. If you're a girl and a college student, especially if you are college educated these jobs are really easy to get.

I'm in the exact same position as you are. I've been waiting so long you would think knowing that I'm only a few years away from getting my GC the last thing on my mind would be leaving. But every day that I do this, I feel like I'm giving up on my life dreams. The 10 year ban stops me. Once you leave, you activate it, by staying here you can adjust through your mom or when you get married. Neither is an option if you leave. Do you think you could live without seeing your home for 10 years and go years without seeing your mom or your brother?

geezyoupark~ You just described word for word of what goes on in my head every day. All the way down to thinking my friends problems are "irrelevant" compared to mine that it makes me feel horrible for thinking like that. Everyone's life is different... ours is harder than some and even easier than others. We're lucky enough to live in a prosporous country and receive a great education (if we can afford it). If I were you, I wouldn't leave just yet. I bet by the time you finish grad school, the Dream Act will pass, or be on the verge of passing. So just stick it out... it sounds like you have a pretty good life going for you so far (you do have a DL and SSN which many of us don't have so consider yourself lucky).

Welcome, even though as you said you've been here before... but definitely don't hesitate to post

Ditto, Geez. I wonder that myself too. But I have nothing to lose at the moment. I think I know the signs that will tell me to go. The right time will come soon .

Geezyoupark, I am in the same situation. I am about to finish with a masters degree in mechanical engineering and I am wondering maybe I was not meant to be here in the U.S. Maybe my purpose in the U.S. was just to get educated. By December I should have a better idea of the things that I have to do with my life. In school I met some international students and with their degree they are living a descent life back home, I don't know but I am considering this option. I live in South Texas, 20 min from mexico and 45min from falfurrias; checkpoints. I feel as if Iam stuck in this region; can't go anywhere.
Good luck to everyone.

"Love life for better or worse"

welcome!

Well you know, at least you have your degree and you are doing internships. If Dream or a CIR passes you're good to go right off the bat and can start working right away.

Good thing about U.S. degrees, they will follow you everywhere. They are valid in most countries.
But dont leave! Its only a matter of time until our problem is resolved.

Welcome and thanks for sharing your story. Most of us feel the same at one time or another. The fact that we have to wait for so long and yet the our future is soo uncertain is what brings us all together. I have waited for seventeen years and counting (almost eight or so to go). However I am in the same situation as you (hold a valid ssn and driver's license in Chicago) yet I'm technically still undocumented. I have been able to apply for jobs in my profession. When I think about leaving and going back home to Mexico, I think about how much I will miss my family. What I really would like to do is to be able to travel back and forth, as well as to other countries, but my only option right now is to wait. I think good things will happen in the coming years.
Hold on and keep it up.

Similar thoughts, I'm sure, run through all of our minds. It's stressful and even depressing at times, but you have to be hopeful. Continue to persevere and think about the oportunities that can open up not so long from now. You have acomplished so much. You deserve to be here too. Continue to believe..and welcome.