finally... - Page 2

we are TOO similar. it is scary... I am really sorry to hear that your parents are that way with you, my dad use to be very very strict on me..i learned that no matter WHAT you do/say your parents will no matter what love you. atleast they should, but i have never dated a black guy so i dont know ... i dont think they would be very happy either now that i think about it..but yea, i feel like coming out of the closet would probably be a lot easier too! trust me. i havent even told people i consider "best freidns"



our high school stories are so similar. i to went throough a cutting stage in my life. i really think that being "undocumented" whether you agree with me or not, does give you identity issues, atleast when your old enough to comprehend that everyone gets put into a category you know?. i feel so lost sometimes. here i am trying to go to law school, to be come a political figure, and i cant even vote. i have been in this country for 17 years! My sister who is american born, goes to mexico and visits my family that i vaguely rememebr. she isnt doing likemy brother and i did in school and she doesnt care. shes 15 yrs old and i try to sit her down and epxlain to her that there is more to life then how her hair looks and stuff, i tell her she has so many oppurtunities that other kids, including myself, wish we had at her age..but she just sits there and kinda doesnt respond, i mean she cant really understand you know? but yea anyways.. with the whole cutting thing..i later found ..atleast from evaluating my life, that its like a PAIN that can be controlled. like you can actually do osmething about it you know? like i can control my physical pain cause the internal pain of being lost can not be fixed. butyea i actually dont do it anymore.. i think i did it for a year. my bf found out one day from the marks. when my bf and i were dating my family was all shoken up. my dad wanted to leave my mom, my dad had gone to mexico cause his father was dying and he totally screwed up our applications, we were petitioning under his name and something happend on how he filled somehting out or how he didnt, he knew he couldnt leave, he knew he was jeopardizing all the time we've waited, but he didnt care. i mean i dont know if i could blame him bcuz his dad was dying but he pretty much screwed my brother, mom and me over. we had to start all of our filing up again. i dont think i forgave my dad until now. i saw how much it affected my brother, since he didnt get a license til he was in college! i felt so bad for him . now my brother is married and him and his wife are madly in love and he is working on his citizenship you know. woah., i am way off topic, it feel good to just open up u know?? and we are adusting our resident status (my mother and i)

anyways...

my bf made me feel so warm inside you know. ilike i belonged like he loved meee.. ..he kept asking me why i didnt have a job, and why i didnt have my license. i actually broke down to him one time. i couldnt take the pressure. i did feel liek i was lying to him. like i wasnt being truthful to him. at that time i just graduated from high school. i never wanted anyone to know. who wants to feel less of a human right? when i told him while i cried..he was like why are u crying? and then i just stopped and i couldnt understand why i was crying. i mean seriously WHY was i??? i felt stupid. and anyways he was a great bf but like i said earlier he was really abusive, he made me feel stupid , like everything was my fault, he actually hit me acouple times, i was becoming stupid by allowing it.. the last straw pretty much was when he slapped me infront of my parents... yea... but i dont wanna get into it..anyways we broke up and he begged me back,my parents made me get a restraining order cause he threatned to kill himself if i didnt get back with him. u know outside the courtroom he just smirked at me. he had the audacity to ask me if i was staying with him for so long so i could trick him into marrying me!! could u believe that? he was the first person i have ever told and he threw it back. im not trying to discourage you from telling your bf, cause it sounds like your boyfriend truly loves you, mine didnt and thats why he was a jerk about it , but you know look at it this way...

you can tell your boyfreind or not, you have nothing to lose besides the stress of lying to him all the time. he might be a litte more understanding of why you cant work and why u cant get a license. he'll understand why u were scared to tell him but he wont fully comprehend why u took so long to tell him. i mean put urself in his place, and if he was to tell you that he wasnt a citizen, you wudnt dump him over that right? i dont know... im sure thats not ur biggest thing now. but if you do i think the best way to bring it up to him is tell him how your so stressed now. that youve never been so stressed or infact so upset. its the best way bcuz he'll see it as in you didnt tell him before since it wasnt such a big issue. apologize for not telling him but make him understand that its not so easy to come out and say bcuz u dont want him to stop loving you. he cant say or think anything bad about you after that you know!!!!

you parents only want the best for you. that is why ur dad is paying for you to go to college. he could pretty much just say screw you and leave you to figure it out on your own you know?

hey i was going to suggest babysitting. it helps you network with adults and shows ur responsibility and its also off the book!!! i dont like going to church cause i dont beliebe in a lot it says but the church is a great place to find parents who are looking for babysitters.. or volunteer at a local elementrary school and your sure to find soem cliental there! its not much but its something right? especially if you find the right family where all u have to do is watch the kid watch tv and then tell them to go to bed. ahaha.



and now i have written a whole novel!!!



the best lesson i have learned is that you have to love yourself first before thinking or loving someone else. i didnt love myself and thats why i stayed with that jerk for 4 years. isnt that horrible? im not saying you dont love yourself but what i am saying is we alllllll can benefit from some "me" time.



The more certain you are of WHO YOU ARE and what you can accomplish the more you will accomplish.trust me...

I agree with all that you are saying and I’m going to take your advice and tell my boyfriend. I don’t know when yet ,but I'll try telling him your way. You’re right I don’t think he'll dumb me because I’m illegal, I was also a little scared that when he finds out he'll tell his family and they'll think the same thing your boyfriend thought. That I’m just with him to marry him so that he can make me a citizen. Let’s see how everything goes. Oh and about the cutting, I also haven’t done it anymore. When my boyfriend saw my new cuts for the first time he cried. He even made me promise not to do it anymore. He said if I did he was going to break up with me. Well you know that never cutting is easier said than done, so one day I did it again and he found out. He didn’t break up with me, he just said that to scare me into not doing it. But I have been going to therapy for a while now and I think I’m over that. My sister is 14 and all she cares about is her looks too. She has a babysitting job and all her money is spent on clothes, shoes, and jewelry. She has no hobbies or interest at school. I tell her she has no personality or goals and she tells me her look is everything to her. I guess it is so I just let her be. Oh and I know my parents love me in their own way because they do take care of me but I just wish they weren't so ignorant. They judge everybody and always think they are doing their best for me by keeping me in the house, but its ruining my life. The worst thing is that normal people get to move out of their house when they don’t like their home ,but I cant even do that. I cant baby sit because most people need babysitters in the day and I’m at school during the day. I’m trying really hard to get a job and I think I'll have one soon. I am really grateful that my parents do take care of me financially when they don’t have to anymore because I’m 18.I just wish they were nicer, show me more love, and accept who I am and what I choose. Your ex was such a jerk I cant believe he hit you in front of your parents. You’re better off without him, but I know it’s hard to let go of someone who you really liked even if they were an asshole. I have a friend that has an asshole for a boyfriend and it hurts to see her in a relationship like that. I give her advise all the time, but I know that she has to want the change before she can take any action. I wish she had your strength .

my strength wasted many trees from all lthe tissues i wasted..lol..yeaa that thing with advice is that no matter what u say to soemone they will do whatever they want in the end until its either to late or something bad happens that makes them see it...

our stories are so similar...

Ok, well I'm not much of a writer like everyone else in this site seems to be, but I will try to put a SHORT story down. I came to the U.S. when I was more like 5 I believe, because I attended kindergarden at the ranch I lived in Mexico for about 2 months (I learned to read and write in those 2 months ). Well my dad had a workers permit but he lost it about 4 or 5 years ago because his dad was dying in Mexico and he went to go visit him, then he ended up being a few hours short or something. Well he took it to court like 3 or so years ago and off course he lost, they told him that he had family in Mexico that would help take care of him, lol, how ridiculous is that? My dad is the one who sends money to them, becuase the are the ones who need help, because they are in Mexico. Well anyways, my mom has been in the process for about 5 or 6 years, I guess she still has like 4 or so to go, because it takes 10 years I hear to get your papers from a sister.... And as for me, I'm currently attending community college and taking courses in hope of becoming an electrical engineer. The hardest part about the whole ordeal is not that I'm not smart enough, but because I simply can't afford it, I very glad that 4 of my brothers and sisters will have the opportunity to attend college and get financial aid, maybe even full ride. I have actually kinda become a role model to them, at least school wise, they get good grades basically because I recieved good grades, and they are joining tennis, because I was really good at it . Well as far as the Electrical Engineering dream, I will need to go to an University, probably Washington State, next fall. I'm currently in contact with a few people there, they are hoping to be able to help me somehow, but yet, my future seems so uncertain to me.

Ohh and anothercollegekid and brenda04, I also have quite a few of the same situations that you both have gone through, as far as the BF of GF thing, yah I have a girlfriend, and she does not know my situation, I do have my drivers licence luckily because I live in Washington state, but as far as working, I work in the summer doing orchard work and field work, luckily someone in the family owns a business, so i work there on the weekends during summer, and another family relative is opening up a restaurant, so I will work there when it opens, but my girlfriend works all the time, it kinda makes me fell like she thinks im lazy for not having a job while I go to school, especially now that its winter break, and I believe she thinks that I'm also not dedicated because of the work issue, and that I'm not trying my hardest in school (well sometimes thats true, but only sometimes), and ultimately it will affect both of us, she comes from a pretty nice family, I sorta worked for her family in the summer...heh and she is actually kinda of gun ho or whatever about marriage, she seriously thinks she can't simply wait for me to graduate from college in another 3 years like I plan too, and my friends and family all make fun of me because they tell me I'm in it to get the ranch, or to get my papers, it doesn't bother me to much, because I know myself neither of those is true, but it still doesn't feel great hearing those comments. Ohh, and her family being super christian is another issue we have (i say that because they pray before every meal, and have devotions together everynight...) and me being a kind of non-practicing catholic (its starting to change...u can guess why), well I'm now going to church more (both christian and catholic) now, mostly because I love her, and I know its important for her, and I don't care if the rest of the world hears me saying that....

Well I hope that this site can answer some of my questions in the near future, I'm really glad I found it today. I was actually searching for DREAM ACT info, and I stumbled upon it. Is there any hope for me? At least status wise? Anything would help, thank you very much., ohh and I just saw that I wrote this as a reply, and that I should have started a new post, ooops.

Welcome to DAP peija.

We are all in the same boat; hoping that things will change in the coming year. Whatever happens we should get some solid answers.

peija I know how you feel about keeping your little secret from your girlfriend.Since im on winter break from college my bf has been bugging me to open a savings account and finally get my state ID.I cant do those things because Im illegal.Im planning on telling him but I never find the right time if their is such a thing.Now I think he's statring to think im lazy because he's also been bugging me to get a job.He justs wants the best for me.He wants me to start to get my life together and become more independent.right now i think he thinks im just a daddy's girl because i depend so much on my dad.I want to do all of the above but i simply cant right now.sometimes i wonder if im better off just going back to the dominican republic where im wanted. at least there i will have a better life because i have an american education and english has basically become my first language.I'll qualify for so many good jobs there.But my life is here.

Well, I'm kinda of lucky, because I will start working in about a month or so at my cousins new restaurant.... so that will help me pay for tuition and a few other things, but for now I feel the same way...