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DAP Forums > Other Topics > Other Topics

Should I tell my partner? - Page 2

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#11
12-02-2014, 10:25 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ap1231 View Post
All great answers guys.

I am just worried about the future. What if the relationship lasts? What happens then?

If you were in his shoes, wouldn't you feel kind of betrayed that I hid this truth from you?
Don't overthink it. You haven't robbed a bank, have a kid (I don't think) or anything like that. You just have a pending immigration case and don't need him to save you.
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#12
12-04-2014, 10:04 PM
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Not really it doesn't matter. If he wants to marry you he'll Mary you wether you are here legally or not, or even if you told him. If he wants you he'll probably laugh and say it doesn't matter. Which is the truth. It doesn't matter.

But in all seriousness date the guy for a year before being so worried lol. You're gonna make a fool of yourself otherwise. Get to know each other. If this is your first serious relationship go easy, love is a tricky game.
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#13
12-08-2014, 01:36 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ap1231 View Post
All great answers guys.

I am just worried about the future. What if the relationship lasts? What happens then?

If you were in his shoes, wouldn't you feel kind of betrayed that I hid this truth from you?
Not really. You have to understand from your perspective, you are also putting yourself under risk when telling him. You can't just tell everyone who comes into your life. So it makes all sense to wait it out. I would wait till you guys are serious about marriage and talking about it. A year plus?
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#14
12-08-2014, 04:14 PM
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I always think about this myself but I would wait til at least a year. My thing is your getting your status adjusted thru ur parents so i dont think he will think u are using him or anything. Yea he may be a bit got off guard and wondered why u waited that long but 2 weeks is way to soon, hell two months is nothing
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12-08-2014, 04:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ap1231 View Post
All great answers guys.

I am just worried about the future. What if the relationship lasts? What happens then?

If you were in his shoes, wouldn't you feel kind of betrayed that I hid this truth from you?
I had the same problem 4 years ago. I didn't mention anything until around the 5th month. I couldn't find a job and my bf said he could help me since they were hiring at his job. He recommended me and they were going to hire me but the hiring process required e-verify and a background check so that's when I had to explain to him my situation. He was upset that I never told him but I said that I didn't want him to think that I only wanted to be with him so he could fix my status. He wasn't mad, he was just kind of sad but I honestly don't regret waiting so long to tell him. Almost 5 years later and we are still together!

There was someone in my family that knew my situation and always threatened my parents to call immigration. Not all people understand what we go through and they're not always nice so be very careful when it comes to telling people about your status. Good luck and if he really loves you he'll understand why you can't just tell everyone about your papers.
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#16
12-10-2014, 06:36 AM
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but as mean as it may sound, what if you have bad credit, do you tell your them? or do you wait or what? its really the same thing there, or what if you are in debt? or have some drama behind you?

Sooner or later they will find out either via you telling them or them finding out, but immigration is a very personal thing, so I said telling someone you have bad credit is easier than telling them your immigration status
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01-07-2015, 02:33 AM
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2 weeks is too soon to air out all of your dirty laundry. Give it a couple months, see where it goes and if after a few months things are moving forward smoothly then say it
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#18
01-08-2015, 09:27 AM
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Listen to everyone who gave advice here. They're pretty much right.

What if you tell him and it doesn't work out. Then what?! You're better off knowing for sure that he can be trusted and it's someone you will definitely be with. I didn't tell my boyfriend until almost 2 years into the relationship and we're still together 3 years later. Sometimes you're itching to tell him but you just have to have patience and be sure that he's trustworthy.

Good luck.
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I asked this same question on the forum a few years ago. Everyone told me to wait a while longer and I'm so glad I listened to everyone. We've been together for 3 years and he completely understood and never for a second asked why I didn't mention it earlier. I didn't even drive or have ID when I first met him. You're in slightly better circumstances. Don't rush into things
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#20
01-09-2015, 08:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by memmyme View Post
I asked this same question on the forum a few years ago. Everyone told me to wait a while longer and I'm so glad I listened to everyone. We've been together for 3 years and he completely understood and never for a second asked why I didn't mention it earlier. I didn't even drive or have ID when I first met him. You're in slightly better circumstances. Don't rush into things
I think it's easier for girls to be honest because there are less girls who would marry someone for a green card than there are guys (based on my anecdotal evidence). With guys, as soon as a girl finds out you don't have a green card (Even if on a visa of some sort), all her friends start getting in her head and telling her "You know he just wants you so he can get his green card, don't you? My cousin married this guy and he left her after he got his papers. ".

I kind of saw that first hand too with my ex. She was pretty innocent when I met her (no not like that...well ok, like that too but let's keep things clean) and when I told her about my lack of papers, she had no idea what any of it meant so she kept on acting normal. After a year or so however her friends would ask her questions and then the flood gates opened...then her parents hated me just because of that. Then certain realities came to be since I couldn't leave my job to do certain things or drive a nice car, etc. Eventually it became too much.

A couple of years ago I met this other girl online too who was a lawyer and she straight up asked me if I had a green card because "I ain't gonna be getting no green card for a FOB". That coffee date ended early.
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