Sadness

Hey, DAP.

So, I heard some really bad news for my side today.

As you all know, or can at least guess, I'm an undocumented student waiting for the Dream Act to pass, which would be my only hope of a normal life, other than marrying a (somewhat rich) citizen.
Because of my status, ever since I graduated from High School I'm not able to drive, to get a job, or go to college. Without those three things, life has been quite hard.

Capoeira is the only thing that occupies my time these days (save for the internet, but I can only get so much of that), and I have a burning passion for the art.
(For those of you who don't know... Capoeira = Brazilian martial art/dance)
I used to literally go to my academy every day, save for the days no one was there (like Sundays), because it's been being the one thing holding me together during these hard times.
I threw myself head first into my work outs and exercises, and learning how to play the instruments and make music. In only a year of Capoeira, I earned and advanced TWO belts already.
It helps me keep my head together, to have somewhere to go when I have nowhere else, and a group of people who became just like family to me.

Unfortunately, ever since I joined my Capoeira group, I've always had some financial issues. At first my aunt, who lives in Brazil, sent me $300 to give me a head start (that paid for my first three months of classes), after that I went sorta pushing it with my belly, paying whenever I could or had money, and my teacher has actually been kind enough to let some months slip.
Ever since the beginning of this year to now, things have only gotten worse.
We had to move to a new place and now we're paying more for rent, I even got a roommate to help out with the bills, but he's having a hard time as well and hasn't paid much rent at all since he moved in.

My status with my Capoeira tuition right now is that I'm behind in payment two months already (March and April, $200), and May's already around the corner.
Ever since our last Graduation and when I got my second belt, things at the academy have started changing. My teacher has a new schedule, and new prices. We, the old students, get to keep paying what we were paying before cuz he thinks it's not right to change what he agreed to let us pay in the first place. So luckily I still get to pay $100 a month.
But my teacher's already called my attention about my payment twice, and I know he's not gonna let me slip on any more months, he's already done too much for me.
I constantly ask my dad when he'll be able to help me out with my Capoeira, but because of the bad economy, he's getting less and less work and the income's been low. He says he won't be able to pay my Capoeira anytime soon.

So tonight I went to class, and my teacher's wife (the one who controls all the money and stuff) called me aside and talked to me herself. She basically told me she needed at least a date of when I'd be paying what I owe them, or she wouldn't be able to let me keep on doing class. She brought up the fact they already let me slip before, that as a business they couldn't do that anymore, and that they weren't a charity.

I told her I fully understood, but that broke my heart and I stayed quiet and sad for the whole period of the class.

I now came home and all I feel like doing is crying.

If it wasn't for my legal status, I'd have a job by now, I'd be enrolled in school and I'd have a car, and I'd have no problem paying the $100 a month for my classes.

But if I don't have Capoeira in my life, I won't have anything.
All I'll have is to sit around at home and do nothing.
And when I see myself slowly getting in that situation, I feel like I break down a little.

I don't know what I can possibly do to make things better.
I've gone all around Orlando and applied everywhere I had a slight chance of being hired, but I never got a single call back, for the fact I don't have a SS#.

All the little money I get goes all to my Capoeira, but it's not enough.

I don't know what to do.


-----
"Sem Capoeira eu não posso viver...
Sou peixe fora do mar
Passarinho sem voar
Dia sem escurecer..."

"Without Capoeira I can't live...
I'm a fish out of water
A bird unable to fly
Day without sunset..."

deliver phone books? If you can find someone with a license, you can start doing that. My mom and I did it during June a few years back, and with that we paid our vacations (including plane tickets, car rental, hotel, etc...) You can make really good money. In FL the pay isn't as good, but i'm sure you'll be able to make way more than $100 a month, so you can continue doing Capoeira, and helping out your family. Just be CREATIVE.

sell chocolates outside of wal-mart - say its to send your little sister to blind camp.

I'll do it if I can find out how.
I'd need someone to drive me around, you said? That might be hard for me to get... but I'll try my hardest and contact everyone I know.

How do I find out more about delivering phone books?
Can I just google it?

I almost LoL'd, but that might actually work.
The problem right now is that I don't even have $5 to buy any chocolates or ingredients to make chocolates.
I honestly don't even have any bus change left. =/

Hey Novela,
Sorry to hear you're feeling so desperate. We've all had that happen to us at some point. I guess I have a similar story to yours, in my case I did research and it was the only thing that kept me going for a long time. When I graduated and was told I couldn't do it (not even as a volunteer) I broke down. I'm nowhere near the stuff I used to do but I've found other things to keep me busy and going, and most importantly I KNOW I will get back to research one day. So I guess I'm trying to tell you is to not let yourself break down. I understand this is very important for you, but sometimes we must let go of the things we love the most to get them back later. If at the time you can't afford it then put it aside for a bit and find a way to get back to it later, let that be your motivation to keep going. Keep your spirits up

Just contact your local Yellow/White pages and tell them that you are interested in delivering phone books. They should give you a phone number.

After watching "Only the Strong" I've always wanted to learn the art, though there are no such groups around where I stay.

DId you ever try waitering? it makes an ok amount of money, i did for a while, and depending on were you live, you can make alot of money, but like i said before it all depends around what area you live around and how popular the restaurants are. SOme times on the weekends i would make like 250$ a night yea it was awesome, but i got lucky because at the spot i work at its a very popular place around my city. SO good luck,

Thanks, Cindy.
I guess I just freak a little when I think I might not be able to do Capoeira. It has done so much for me... it's so hard to see myself without it now.
I know that even if I'm not able to pay it and have to be without it for a while, I'll always have a passion for Capoeira and I'll find a way to get back to it.

I'm gonna go donate blood tomorrow morning and see if I can get some money from it to help out...