ok, I don't deserve it. my story....

This is the first time I share this story with people I do not know.
I don't know which group I am in. I am not an immigrant. I was 14 when I first came here by traveling visa. My aunty was a citizen and she wanted me to study here.
I grow up in a well protected family, with parent and a big brother who always stand by my side. Therefore I didn't aware of the world around me and the thing that is going on by the time.
The last few days before my travel visa expire, my aunt help me to apply for F1. She filled out the app for me. In the mean time, I was enrolled in the local public high school. However, she forgot to renew my visa and had missed serval things in the application. The process went for 2 and a half years until they offically denial my application. I couldn't go back to my home country because there was simply no way I could be enroll in a school at mid-way. (seat are competitive in HK) Education is a big thing in my family. (my mom save up her entire life for me and my brother to go to college.PS, it's really hard to get in college in my country)
I haven't see my parent since 14. Living with a stranger (my aunty and her famliy) was not easy. For now, my parent still pay for my tuition and living expense. Lucky that I do not need to worry about financial issue. For grad school though, I have to get a way to pay for it. I don't want to ask for money from my parent anymore.
I would love to stay here if possible because U.S. has the greatest resource in the field I am interested in (science). On the other hand, I have my whole family in my home country. I just feel that I do not belong in any group. I am not an immigrant, while I am not an American. I no longer share the same culture with people who immigrate here from my hometown. I do not deserve the dream act. Even though there is a club related to immigration in my school, I just don't see myself fitting in there.
I do not blame anyone, not even my aunty. I never talk about the hardship with my parent either. I don't want them to worry. It just sound so ironic that my dad always thinks I have nothing to worry about. My parent believed that I am enjoying my college life like everyone does. I am very worry about the future. I have no job experience and lab experience which make it hard for me to get in grad school. And I am afraid to talk to people, which make my social life =0
I know that I am lucky to even go to school. And that I can always go back to my hometown. I just want to share my story honestly for the first time.

Not seeing your parents must be terrible especially when you are receiving their financial help and you feel like you are not reciprocating in any way. Since you can't give anything back to them you need to be a little bit more patient and keep educating yourself, this way when you receive the benefits from the Dream Act you'll have the opportunities of giving back to your family, mostly the pride of you being successful and not giving up on this struggle.

I also feel lost from a cultural stance. I don't feel Mexican nor American simply because at the time I came in I was very aware of my cultural values, a lot of them clashed with the American ones and as time passed those values I had no longer served a real purpose therefore I became a strange mutation of what the Japanese would call a hikikomori. Sometimes it's easier to see yourself as an international student but when different situations in the social medium arise this simply isn't applicable, what a shitty game LOL.

My social life is completely obliterated but I find the ways to keep myself sane, mostly reading and exercising inside my home, during vacations I can go weeks without literally going out, you get used to it... You need to become addicted to something that will keep you entertained in this time of waiting that at the same time will yield positive results in your life, personally I am addicted to learning programming languages and real life languages.

Rest assured that the Dream Act will go through at an indefinite point in your lifetime xD, although you need to have an alternate plan that will be carried out in case the situation does not get resolved within a personal time frame. I am not going to let the lack of a little number limit my liberties during the most socially active period of my life for much longer (two-year limit and I am out.)

I think one's own success is defined by personal choice and not necessarily by the world around one. Hell, I could have married a citizen a couple of years ago and gotten over this situation but I chose to take the lengthy way simply because this decision would not comply with my personal beliefs and personality type. I might as well have departed for Mexico and initiated a normal life years ago but I decided to stay because of this "dream", alas I am starting to believe that this dream could leave me dreaming for many more Obamas to come.

I think this is a very good time for putting feelings aside, thinking rationally, and reviewing your options. Whatever you do remember to always keep yourself motivated until you achieve your goals.

I wish you the very best of luck,

Banished

Hello and welcome to DAP.
I don't understand why you don't think that you deserve the Dream Act you haven't done anything wrong all you want to do is study and be successful and there is nothing wrong with that. You've been here for a while and its understandable that you would assimilate the culture and that's just how things are you can't force yourself from learning the ways of life here, you shouldn't feel bad about that. I am sorry that you weren't able to change your status and remained legal in the country I'm sure it would have made life easier for you. This country is full of opportunities and there is no reason for us not to enjoy them you should just try and study and wait for things to change if in the long run things don't work out you always have a place to go in your home country with an education witch I'm sure will make your life better. Stop feeling bad and undeserving because you are doing everything you can for a better life and you shouldn't be ashamed of that.

Well we all feel sorta lost you know? I don't think I'm an immigrant either. I mean, I don't feel like one, at least. Until there is a breach in the law though, that's exactly what we are. You're going to school, which is amazing because I don't know how I'll be able to afford it when the time comes. I've got two years to come up with tuition. Not to be mean or unsympathetic but you have it easier then most people in that aspect. Not seeing your parents must be really though but financially,you'r better off than most of us. Keep your chin up. You do deserve the dream act (:

I know my life have been easy compare to many people and I definitely appreciate all I have gotten. What make me not happy is the pressure around me. I know most people in here can feel this. Last night, my roomate ask if I have gone crazy since I study everyday. Not to lie, I find a sense of safety when studying (ok, I am a nerd.) But God know how badly I want to be in a research. She is also complaining that she hate her life surrounded with work, school and reserach. (omg, what should I say?) I am learning the lab technique in the book, but I do not know how to actually do it. My major is full of people from pre-med and they are all very busy. It's like the only introduction thing to talk about is what lab they are doing and what MCAT score they got. My counselor ask me to think about what I want to do after grad, I just learn to fool with her. I do not enjoy life because there is no life. I kept silence most of the time. Being able to go to college is a luck, I will try to make myself a part of the group next sem.

How old are you? 15?