Just want to vent :(

Hi everyone its late..Im depressed and I just wanted to share my story...

I came at the age of 5 in (1992) on a tourist Visa from Panama w/ my mom and my 2 sisters. My dad whom already was here filed political asylum status for us which was denied...my parents obviously never left. and over 10 years later after my family was ordered to leave.. we remained. I was fortunate..I guess.. my parents got me and my sisters ssn which let us get a DL and credit etc... so I pretty much have been living a normal life until now... I graduated 1 yr ago w/ my bachelors degree in nursing and due to my status I haven't been able to work as a nurse..I'm so frustrated it hurts so bad..The worse thing is that I recently lost my crappy job as a cashier at a grocery store so I don't know where i stand. What frustrates me the most is that no one knows my situation. One of my sisters is a USC through marriage she was lucky to do that before they ordered the family deported. She has a good job working at a fancy restaurant as a waitress. My eldest sister wasnt so lucky she was ordered deported but she was 21 and didnt want to leave, she has her AAS degree in ultrasound and is currently making 80K/yr, it seems as if she doesnt care, every job shes had shes claimed she a USC..Now that they let me go (the company was shut down) I feel down..I want to find a good job as a nurse but I don't want to lie to get it especially not over the years from learning about the consequences of lying on government forms but its very very hard... Im just so depressed because I want to be independent I want to work but I just cant!
Currently there is one hope through the tunnel though. I just got married to the love of my life in Feb 2009 whom is a USC. Like you all may know people w/ previous deportation orders cannot adjust status administratively. Well my situation is different. When my family was ordered to leave I was 10 and all of my family received orders of deportation except me..I've talked to many lawyers and they've said that if was deported I should've had a letter addressed in my name. I don't have one, I never went to court, I never had an A#. So right now my lawyer is checking if I ever had an immigration file, and if I don't I'm set to go! Id be able to apply here w/o leaving the US but if I did you all know what that means! I cant and I do I have a risk of getting detained in our immigration interview for being a deportation absconder.

Sorry for so long its just that I feel like I had to share my story for the following reasons....
1) To ask you dreamers?? Have anyone been in the same situation as me?
and if so, what was your outcome?
2) To pretty much vent, like i said I've lived a pretty normal life and now I have nothing..I'm 23, I live w/ my hubby's parents bc we cant afford a house w/ his income, I have no job, Im not able to provide them w/ anything. I feel like such a loser.

Thanks for hearing everyone sorry for the long story once again!

Wow I'm sorry.
Don't feel bad about venting though. We all have those days.. Friday night I had to vent too. Everyone here is really supportive so it's all good.

You at least have a light at the end of the tunnel you now? You're not exactly hanging by a thread like the rest of us. You have your husband who can possibly make you a USC. For most of us, our fate is in politician's hands.

Also, it's okay to be depressed. Cry if you have to. Cry a lot. Take the whole day to be depressed but when you wake up tomorrow, it's a brand new day and you need to make the best of it. Don't let this ruin your life. You have a shot. You have hope.

You are not alone.

Welcome to the site.

Like YesWeCan said, you came to the right place, lots of support.

I understand where you're coming from. I'm married to a USC as well,but unlike you, I didn't come with a visa, simply EWI. I am 20 yrs old and I'm not in college and of course, I have a hard time finding a job. I sit at home most of the day (and night) all alone since my husband works. I feel like a loser too sometimes, but you have to realize that it's not your fault. You're not a loser because you are not choosing to not do anything. You were put in this situation, unlike many idiots who do nothing with their lives just because they're lazy. And one day, this will change and you will be successful.

You're doing the right thing talking to your lawyer, but make sure you get different opinions because there are many lawyers that aren't well informed.

If there's no deportation order, then yeah, you'll be able to adjust your status in the US, so that'd be great news. Still, don't give up! We have another way of getting legalized if the DA doesn't pass this year, unlike many others. So we should consider ourselves lucky!

I read your post last week...I was crying my eyes out cus I had hit such state of depression because of our situation. I am feeling a lil better now. Just wanted to say hang in there. I bet it is tough since you are w/ur husband's family...but I am sure they understand that you are far from being a loser...you have your degree which a lot of Legal or citizens do not even have...they dont even aspire such things we do even though they have it so much easier....keep your chin up!