I'm so tired of this.. I just wanna vent.

guys, gals,

you know... It's been such a long road, up to this point. The fight is still strong in me, But these times just get harder and harder. I guess Im just as frustrated as everyone else here and Just hoping for the best.

I wish I could go back to college and finish my degree. I miss it. I miss the opportunity to learn, the chance to feel normal. You know? School was the only place where I felt like the rest of the people. I hang out with friends with little to no fear of getting in trouble, didnt have to drive to see my friends, went to every class, made nothing but A's and B's. I Felt normal! I felt like a human being.

Today.....

Im home. Restless, wishing I could go back to feeling like myself and doing something productive with my life. I wish I could work, I wish I could pay taxes and buy things for my parents. I wish I could just take my GF out to eat whenever I want to. I wish I could study and take tests and keep working through challenges. I wish I was learning new things. I hate to complain about all this. Im healthy, my family is okay, I have food and a roof over my head. Being illegal for almost 10 years has been too long, too painful.

I wish I could've experienced more as a teen, I wish I could've drove when I was 16 like all of my friends. I wish I could've got a job and helped me parents pay for stuff. I just keep wishing and DREAMING about all these things that could've been. I pray and pray, the road just seems longer since this gov. keeps pushing our DREAMS back farther and farther away. I wish they would see how urgent our needs are, but they are still sitting on their 6-digit paychecks regardless of how many of us get deported to an place we dont even know or separated from our families.

I wish I could have a license with my picture on it, I would put on the biggest smile, I would drive all day and all night, fill up my car with gas an keep driving. I would never make an B again in college.

I just want a chance
I just need a chance
I deserve a chance
a chance to DREAM.

Sorry to put y'all in this position, vent to y'all. I know all of you will understand. Thanks for reading.

It really does suckk. I understand what you're going through, I'm 21 now and each year that I get older it seems to get harder and harder. All we can really do is stay positive, keep fighting and not let our situation consume us, also when CIR/DA gets brought up we need to make sure we call/mail out/fax our support so it gets passed.

I'm with you nitro, and everyone on this site is with you as well so don't feel alone. One of my favorite shows is "House Hunters" where people are going to buy a house and a realtor takes them house hunting. I see those beatiful houses and those granite countertops and sunrooms and offices and pools and it makes me so... I don't know...sad and angry to know that even though I have a Masters Degree in English and COULD be working as a professor instead I'm making minimum wage at a restaurant. When I imagine a house like that I imagine it for my parents, my dad working in the garden and my mom relaxing in the living room watching t.v. I imagine it not even for me but for them, so yes, I understand how you want to help your parents as well. It's hard, super hard, when you see all those things that are there for everyone else but NOT for YOU for a reason that it is just completely unfair and has no rationality and no matter how much you pray and wish and dream it cannot be changed.
But nitro, be strong. Try to find your own little happiness somehow. Try to find your own little happiness in something that you like to do...think and think and it will come to you. Why are you not in school? Never stop persuing that. It took me 9 years to get my MA, and I never took a break. I never took my sight off that goal. Keep pursuing it...and in that pursuit you will find answers. Elena from CA is with you nitro, believing in you. Be strong.

man... that is deep.

it will pass. nothing will defeat the will to succeed. keep in mind that China just decades ago went though an era where *everyone* went to the countryside and farmed. Education was illegal. Now, that same generation of Chinese are grown up and taking up businesses on the verge of taking over the global economy.

it seems really urgent but when you look from a bigger picture, the picture of life... we have time.

you will get your midnight drive sooner or later.

Right there with ya bro, I see all of my friends getting scholarships, off to college, with grades i could of gotten blindfolded. Me sitting here, my new bff is my 360

We have to hang in there.
We have to dream

i have about the same dreams.. been here 12 or 11 years.

I think this stage is the foundation for our success.

once dream act passes the it will fuel our burning desire for success.

I understand you completely, I have also been illegal for 10 years Im 24. But it becomes more painful every day......wait till you see your friends graduating from Universities, and getting their Bachelors degrees, working in descent jobs, descent hours and wearing nice clothes.

But don't be pessimist see it as if you are taking a brake. soon we will be able to do the same and we will catch up with them. Keep your hopes high.

I am very optimistic but I have to admit that sometimes I think that I have waited for so long and worked in jobs that do not require any intelligence, that my brain has just stopped working and that I will not be able to learn anything.

That was deep deep deep!!! I find myself in the same situation. I feel like "hey time just stopped for me" but let's just hope (which is let's say all many of us can do) that the DA passes in 2010..... P.S. Your writting was very special.

this really moved me! and i totally agree. ive been here for almost 18 years and i'm only 19, but inside i feel like im 30.
i HATE living like this, it was never much of a problem but as high school started coming to an end things just kep getting progressively harder and they still are.
i hate waking up everyday and wishing i had a job, wishing i could drive, wishing i could afford to take more classes, wishing that my motivation doesnt run dry......
but i guess we just have to be positive! the dream act will be passed, maybe not within the next few months or year, but it will, and once it does we'll shine like shooting stars!

we will be unstoppable.