advice on dating a USC...

Hey guys....

In the past, I've always hold of on dating someone because I was scared to get close to them and have them find out about my situation. Also, I get insecure when I tell them that I don't drive and if they can pick me up on dates instead. Some guys now gets turned-off when they see that I don't have a job, no car, and still living with families in my 20s because it gives them the impression that I have no goals. I'm a girl, so it shouldn't be weird to be driven around but I live in a place where theres almost no public transportation so they still ask questions. Anyway, any advice? I met someone I really like and I was hoping to get an opinion from you.

thanks in advance.

my brother was dating a usc and when he told her he doesnt have papers, she automatically thought he was using her for papers, and they broke up.

thats all i know about this.lol.

Dreamy14, there is no reason to hold off on dating because of your status. Life is already difficult as it is, don't make it any harder. If you like someone, then date them. Every guy I ever dated was an USC, but I only told one person about my situation, which was the person I ended up marrying.

Is it possible to have your friends drive you around? What about parents? When I was dating someone, I would just tell them I couldn't afford a car or that I was afraid of driving, which technically was the truth. Guys don't usually have a problem picking a girl up if they really like her. Don't guys usually pick up girls when they go out on a date anyway?

Once you are comfortable with each other, after a few months, you can think about telling him the truth. I didn't tell my husband about my status until we were together for 4 months. Actually, the only reason I told him was because I was thinking about leaving the U.S. I never mentioned marriage or even thought of it. He was the one that brought it up. If someone truly loves you, they won't leave you when you tell them. Most likely, the will freak out and want to help you in any way that they can.

Oh, and make sure that you keep yourself motivated, regardless of your situation. Nobody wants to date someone with no goals and a "why me" attitude.

awww...thanks prettyjollie...I enjoyed reading your reply and I'm really happy that you found someone and that your husband was very supportive of you when you told him.

I've gone through dates but nothing serious because, like I said, I was afraid they'd find out about my situation. Also, some guys now gets turned-off when they see that I don't have a job, no car, and still living with families in my 20s. I hate giving them the impression that I have no goals like what you said, because I do....we all do....but can't give them any explanation why I'm currently not doing anything with my life. Sadly, I've dated guys that flaked out on me this way, and not only have they stopped calling but they were passing judgements on me too.

I hope I find someone like you did. Contrary to what people think of us, it has nothing to do with gaining a GC (I mean if DA or any reform had passed any sooner, I wouldn't even consider dating until I get a GC on my own). I just want someone who would respect me and treat me well regardless of my status.

hey dreamy, how are you? anyway i know exactly how you feel. just becasuse your undocumented doesnt mean you have to be alone for the rest of life. its definitely fine to date. get to know the person for few months and its up to you if you want to tell him. i didnt know how to tell my husband i was undocumented because to me it wasnt a big deal and i like to block it out. i remember one day, he was coming over, so i left my computer screen open that had this immigration article and what not. i kept on leaving him clues and he finally figured it out. i was always scared to date also because i didnt want them to think im with them because of a GC. even when my husband proposed, i turned him down because i didnt want him to think i wanted a green card that bad. im happily married and i thank god everyday for having him in my life.and the whole transportation thing and not having any money. just tell them you suck at driving or you lost your license and beside a guy should pay 90% of the time lol.

i say you go out there and date like crazy lol and find yourself a great guy whos going to love you no matter what. ( i say give the guy a chance)

I hope you know that you are more than your ability to drive or whatever. Sure, limitations are part of everyone, but by no means are we defined by them. I wouldn't hold out on meeting people and spending time with them. Our situation is lonely enough as it is and our youth won't last forever. It's scary to take chances with new people, but you have to. You never know what you could be missing out on. Like the girls above me, you could meet a really nice dude that might actually turn out to be your husband. If that kind of happiness isn't incentive enough, then I don't know what is. =p

Of course, you don't have to tell everyone about your situation, but don't use it a crutch to not do something either. If you get to know him and he really digs you, I can't imagine that it would be a huge problem. You'll be able to weed out the less tolerant dudes from the ones that are more open minded as you spend time with them. It seems like you have your heart set on one in particular, but don't let your world revolve around him. He's a person too and people are fallible.

If and when you do decide to tell someone, do it with confidence. Being undocumented doesn't make you "damaged goods" or whatever the fuck people think of us. Speak with convictions and confidence and DON'T CRY. That always freaks out dudes. They get so awkward when they see a chick crying hahaha. I still remember when I told the dude I'm seeing right now that I was undocumented. I was SO scared because I had no idea what he was gonna say. I had to tell him before we went to the club/bar cause the only form of ID I have is my passport and I didn't want him to make a big deal out of me using it once we got there. Considering that I sprung it on him in my dorm room right before we were supposed to leave, he was surprisingly cool with it though and .... just nice about it all. He didn't look down on me at all and we're still seeing each other, so it all worked out. =]

In the grand scheme of things, I don't think that being undocumented is a huge deal. Honestly, I think having herpes or being bat shit crazy or some shizz like that is a bigger deal in a relationship. Eventually we'll all be legalized in one way or another. You can't get rid of herpes. Perspective, man.

hahahaha....my thoughts exactly. I was surprised to have met some guys that gets turned off by knowing I was unemployed with no car and still living with families....like it was the worst thing a girl in her 20s could do.....whatever (those douche!). So happy to know that some of us dreamies have found good husbands along the way. Thanks for your advice.....definitely makes me feel better about our situation.

Gosh....I wish I have known about this place when I was younger =), you guys are awesome.

Good advice, but this is by far the best part.

I know exactly how you feel, I stopped dating guys for a while b/c I didnt like being judge for not working or going to school. I think part of it was my insecurities at the time I felt embarrassed now thankfully i know better. Plus I wasnt about to tell a random stranger that I am undocumented...Its hard dating b/c you dont want that person to think that your using them for a GC.

Two Words:
Booty.Call.

haha No, No I kid. I think everybody has gone through situations like these. Some have learned from them and adjusted the way they approach it. Others, just keep everybody at an arms length and don't get too close to anybody. Either way, at the end of the day, you want to do what you feel comfortable with. And it's easier for you girls. As a couple of you have stated in your responses, the guy is "expected" to play a certain part or do certain things. But, if you have found somebody that you really digg, i say give it a couple months and see where it goes. If you feel comfortable telling him about your situation, do it. If you don't, then don't. Good luck!



P.S. I enjoy conversation over coffee, long walks on the beach at sunset...hahaha jk!