Betrayal?

I need some psychological support. I know this may not be in everybody's minds, but I just need to know if what I'm afraid of feeling is betrayal. Ever since I've been aware of my status, I've defended my home country, Mexico, from peoples' attacks on its politics, culture, economy, etc. Recently, with all these cartels and Drug War, I'm beginning to have second thoughts of what I think about Mexico. Is it betrayal for me to start having some kind of resentment for Mexico, looking at it as a, idk, poverty-stricken country with an unstable government. It's like I've forgotten its beauty. Idk. My feelings for the US are mixed as well. People like myself are not welcome and have been humiliated by the USC at least at one point in their lives.

It's a stupid thought, I know. But I feel like I don't have a country anymore. Mexico, because I don't know it and I have different thoughts about it now. And the US, because I'm not welcome and frowned upon by society.

When I told my dad about this, it looked like he was hurt. I don't want to hurt him talking about my country in a bad way.

I just don't know what to do anymore. What do you guys think? I'm tired of living this way.

It looks as though you maybe at a crossroads w/ regards to what is your country vs what you call home and are they one in the same.

I am not from Mexico,but with my home country I try to establish the positive points to Americans that I know and vice versa with Family or friends overseas about the positives of America.It is ok not to like something about a country[even if it is your home country] but should it hurt someone's feelings[especially if the person is considered close to you] perhaps you should keep it to yourself in that particular case until you think you maybe able to phrase it better.

Enhance and experience the positives about both,life is too short for anything else imo.

To tell you the truth, this is the first time I think about Mexico in a bad way. But you're right. All countries have their pros and cons and Mexico and the USA are no exception.

It wouldn't be the first time I say something like this to my parents. Maybe that's why I feel so guilty about being here. The fact that they gave up everything for me and my siblings, and now I talk about our home country this way?

Yes, you're right. Life is too short and I have to look at the bright side of our situation (even though that light is getting thin). Thanks Ianus.

I've also been having dreams lately about all my family being together in Mexico, just like it used to be. Does this mean anything? What do you think is best? Put my parents' happiness over mine? Or just live my life in whatever way I can until the DREAM is passed in the States? I'm 16 so I still live with my parents.

I have very negative thoughts about Mexico because that is all I ever hear. I am not going to start cheering Mexico just because we have a brand new Miss Universe. I pray to god that Dream Act passes because I don't want to return home.

I think that if Dream passes that I will never visit Mexico, mostly because I am scared lol

I just depends on how you view it. Obviously because you're in America people are talking sh*t about Mexico but in reality you have to realize there's people in other countries that talk down on America.

There are their good and bad parts. I don't know about you but that's what the media likes to magnify is the negative things in Mexico, which makes it seem like such a bad country. IMO

Don't worry buddy, just think positive, you can't look down where you're from (even after DREAM passes).

Ha ha with all that in the news on what's going on in Mexico who still have retuning to Mexico as plan B? ha ha pretty bad.

Yeah you're right. I always told myself that but I don't know why I let all those news get to me. I don't look down on where I came from. I'm as proud as ever for my home country. This past decade, it has managed to pass Spain economically-wise becoming the 11th largest economy in the world. Sure it has it's cons, but that's something to be noticed. The only reason I'm here is because the U.S. has more opportunities. If it weren't for this Drug War, I'd return home to better Mexico.

Ianus is right.

Well, here are my unwelcome two cents. Think of Mexico as the mother who let your go as a child and the USA as the reluctant foster parent. It is only natural that you feel negative about both. One abandoned you and the other neglects you. It is also natural that you love both. One is where you came from and the other were you grew up.

Most dreamers learn to hate one country and love the other because we are always hammered by nationalism in both sides as if it was an absolute thing. If someone asked you to choose between you mom or dad it would tear you apart and when a parent demands you to choose a side is emotional abuse. Why can't we see it the same way?

So if we go with this Oprah psychology, we must learn to forgive both for all the pain and confusion. Having any kind of resentment will only hurt you because even if you were brought as a baby and cannot understand your "native" language, you are still an immigrant with immigrant values. After all, your parents raised you and they by default are immigrants. Even though you're from another country you're an American. Hating them will only means that you hate yourself because you came from both of them.

The only difference that I see bewteen the US and Mexico is that in Mexico people break the law and in the US we legalized unfairness. There I said it.

And well, since I am wearing my pundit hat, here it is. News are supposed to be damming. They make a job at showing what is wrong so that society can fix it. Also, when talking about other nations, since the reporter has nothing to lose, they are more willing to say what is really going on. That is why the fact that there were no weapons of mass destruction was acknowlege in all the world but the USA and a futile war was created out of an inept media. Mexican journalist will get kill either by the government or the drug lords.

If you base your opinion of any culture, country, religion or gender based on the news, you will only become a person likely to discriminate againts others. Since you know what is like to be discriminated and prosecuted don't you think is only fair that you stop the circle of hatred here?

New.Gen, if you were in an environment where you made a lot of American friends, everybody liked you, strangers treated you well, and everything was awesome, would you feel that America welcomes you?

If so, then the problem is the people around you.

psh, just blame the Mexican situation on the American blatant nonchalance on its continued drug use. That's what the other mexicans do.