telling my boyfriend - Page 2

wow, this is crazy i have told everyone.... told my ex bf when we were dating.. before we even got together... have had no problems with anybody about this.... im would say just say straight forward, just as they are

Erase / Rewind

girl, you are way too americanized to fit the bill of illegal immigrant hahhaa. Of course he didn't believe you, you are white as white can be.

Yeah, that has happened to me too, people thought I was joking around. It sucks not being taken seriously.

I try to at least get people's views on immigration and whatnot before I go out with them. I do not want to waste my time with someone who does not share my views, and who might break up with me because I am not an American citizen. I told my last boyfriend right away, and he was fine with it. Most people are, but it also depends where you live, I suppose.

Htown u have come to the best place regarding our situation. This is our year. Keep your head up always and don't ever forget we are worth more then what our shell demonstrates.

Don't. You'll regret it when he breaks up with you. This could be something that can be used against you. I think there was a guy on here once who said his girlfriend threatened to call ICE on him. I would NOT tell your boyfriend unless he proposes to you.

I hate to be a cynic (jk, I love being a cynic), but I think I side with Fish on this one. If you told him, then you might be lucky, or you might be unlucky. It's hard to tell how someone will react in a situation where they feel they have been hurt by you until it has happened, so it's hard to know if they are the type to use a vulnerable situation to hurt you. IMO, 8 months isn't long enough to know a person.

If you do end up deciding to tell him, then I would sound out his opinion on immigration first. Talk to him about the Dream Act, raids, deportation, xenophobia, whatever. Just bring it up in the context of it being an issue you read about online or have a friend who is a dreamer or whatever. See how he reacts and whether you think his reaction is genuine. That will at least give you a better idea about whether it is safe to tell him (or best to ditch his ass).

hopesanddreams, it's perfectly normal in our situation to have that kind of fear. i didn't tell my boyfriend of 3 years about my status until after we went out for 1.5 years because i was a chicken (though he half guessed it on his own). Til this day, i still cringe at the word marriage bc i dont want him or his family to falsely think i'm in this for the papers. but it's different for every case and depending on who you're dating, you may feel very comfortable letting him know from the get-go, or you may not for a long time. I would have never confronted my bf about it if i wasn't sure that he loved me and we were going to be together regardless of status, or the lack-there-of. Go with your heart, but remember that when the level of love and trust in your relationship is mutual, meaning you won't feel judged by him, you feel no shame in who you are/where you come from. Good luck, let us know how it turns out!

I don't tell any of my friends that I am illegal. I only have very few close friends and even so they don't pay my bills or keep track of my travels as far as I am concerned, so why bother telling them?

There is a stigma associated with being illegal. I think it is specially hard for me and others who came here at yonger ages and are well educated, and don't have an accent because people talk to you and by all indications you are like any other college student. It is not like I am a mexican person in NYC who barely speaks english and whatnot, so I imagine it would be disappointing for the person to find out that I am illegal--at which point he/she would feel pity and sorry for my legal status, which I do not need.

Now, if it is someone from my homecountry, I have no problem telling them my status because of the sense of community that exist and most likely they can empathize with my situation. However, most of my friends are born here or from other countries, so my status is very much private.

As a guy, I think a better way to go would be just to say that you are an international student and don't have a social-- it saves face in my opinion. As a guy, you are expected to pick your date up, pay the bill, and have a decent job, etc. So if you can't do any of that because, of course, you are illegal, than a little disclosure is in order. I just would just say that I am under a student visa, like I said.

As a woman, I imagine there is less pressure, but if it is a long term relationship and you have come across problems such as lack of id or social, then you could tell your boyfriend, but I don't see the need if you are just dating.

I tell everyone. Honesty is a virtue. Truth will set you free!

I live in California, super liberal area.... so they are super understanding. If they don't understand then screw them I don't give a crap. What the heck are they gonna do? but 99 percent of the time they were super understanding.