Telling your SO?

I'm dating someone right now and he doesn't know that I'm undocumented. It's very hard to be open in that sense because it's such a sensitive topic for me. I keep debating whether or not to tell him. One advice was to tell him and get it over with--if he truly cared about me it shouldn't be an issue. However, after having a discussion with my brother and mom, they tell me not to tell him because things will change between us.

The thing that worries me the most is:

~getting treated differently
~having the advantage to use my situation against me
~breaking up
~the assumption that I'm with him because I'm using him
~and so on

I truly have feelings for him and I believe in an open-trustworthy relationship, however being in this situation hasn't been easy for me to be open like that.

Have any of you told your significant other and if so how did they take it? If you haven't, why not? Are you planning to?

Thanks everyone! I like to weigh my pros and cons before I make an important decision like that.

i have in the past and even went as far as telling some friends....and ill be damned if i ever tell another soul that can't further my interests. people will inevitably try and use it against you.....just my opinion....

I know EXACTLY how you feel!!
I would highly recommend waiting...If your relationship prospers (which I hope it will), make sure he has completely fallen for you and then tell him. If he cares for you, he will understand why you didnt tell him before.

It also depends on what race he is.. usually minorities are more understanding and acceptable to situations like these..

If you dont get the vibe that he will love you no matter what then dont tell him. Doubt means no.

Well, I asked him personally what he thinks about the whole illegal immigration issue since it's been on the news for the past few months and he really doesn't say much. I mean what can he say, right?! He's an immigrant himself who's a USC so I guess he can understand what other immigrants have been through but it's different scenerio from acquantances to someone who's in his personal life--like me.

Hm, I think things in my life are so hectic maybe I should wait. I just feel guilty for constantly having an excuse for anything.

*sigh* I'll just pray and hope things turn out for me. I just hope that when that time comes to tell him, things turn out good.

I don't know if it's really doubt, it's more like I'm hesitant to tell him.

I encourage you to just bring up the subject and tell him if you think that this relationship is going somewhere. If you think it won't work out, then just don't even bring it up. You date a person because of who they are not because of their race or citizenship. So..... documented or undocumented we're all humans. Who cares???
For instance, an American going to Italy and an Italian saying that I won't date that person because he/she is American. I personally find it amusing that many Americans are so adamant about illegal immigrants when that is how 70% of their families got here. They will argue that their grandparents were born here and etc, but somewhere back in their history their ancestors came.

Anyhow, when you decide to talk to him about this, talk to him as if you'd talk to a very close friend, don't be afraid. Let's say you were about to tell someone you're very comfortable with about your situation, you should think of this the same way, what would you say?

If I were you, I wouldn't wait 6 months into the relationship and then tell him. The only way this relationship will progress if you discuss your immigration status and decide to work it out. If he doesn't make an effort to talk about the real issue and maybe figure out a way to make it work, then it's time to move on.

Just so you know, this is not the end, it's tough but there's still hope.
Good Luck!

Dorina x

Thanks, I really appreciate your advice. I 100% agree that you love the person for who they are and so forth. I mean the thing that worries me is, if it's too much baggage for him to handle. Everyone has baggage but some are just too heavy for some to handle.

What would I say? Hm, honestly I don't know the friends that do know is because someone in my family like brother or mom already told them so it softened up the blow for me. I was contemplating to write him a letter so he wouldn't hear my scared tone of voice or just incase I start crying. I want to be strong when I tell him but even then I'm afraid I won't hold myself together. I was also thinking of just telling him "as a matter of fact" type of tone, when something happened that I was FORCED to tell him. I don't know...

Wouldn't wait for 6 months... whoops, we've been together for almost 8 months. Do you think if I wait any longer, I'm pushing the envelope a little too much?

Thanks again for the advice.

I have a girlfriend. We been dating almost four years since high school. I told her I'm undocumented after I finished high school then she ask me is anyway I can help you. So now we try to find the way to get marry. If you think he is truly love you then just tell him. I'm pretty sure if he love you he will find the way to help you. And you have to let he know YOU ARE NOY USING HIM!!!

Wow, four years is a long time. How long have you been dating when you told her? I know you told her after you finished high school but how long were you dating at that time?