Closure after a breakup - Page 4

Meaning if you leave them alone, you will not make them pay for the past. In other words, you will not nag them or get revenge on them because of what they did.

I need to recruit a life coach at the moment cause I'm doing something wrong. I'm struggling to keep that mindset to just let it all go. I'm definitely trying to move on but just constantly feeling insecure about it. A month and a half later and I still need people to remind me I'm doing the right thing. I guess I just feel semi-delusional.

Everyone says just to start dating again but I just can't get myself to do it.

This is normal progress. As said before time will heal you and it will become essentially meaningless.

These things take time though, so I encourage you to find a constructive hobby or find more employment.

If they havent said it yet, you are doing the right thing

When you end a long term relationship you need to allow yourselves to go through the grieving process. There will be times were you will second guess your decision. Who wants to invest years of your life only to have it end.

You are wrong. I was in a 8 year relationship and I did not need closure.

Please dont spread lies.

I sometimes wonder if you ever loved her.

The person above is saying if you truly loved (still have somewhat feelings) for your ex. It is hard to move on and doubting your decision is natural. The goal is to understand 1) what the relationship was lacking that made you leave in the first place 2) know what you truly want in the relationship.

I have been working on #2 myself and now I see myself walking away from situations not meant for me even before I invest an ounce of my feelings. No, I am not guarded or angry just more aware and protective. Once you get to know yourself, you instincts will kick in and it will easier to keep you from making the wrong decision by choosing the wrong person. The key is to follow that instinct.

No quick solution for post-break up blues.

I don't think one should go out and try to date immediately. Yes, you're going to feel lonely - especially during the holidays, you're going to question yourself about breaking it off, you're going to try and have short term flings to fill the void. All of these are counter productive if you shift the majority of your focus on it.

You need to stay single for at least a year, work on yourself, find hobbies and engage on the ones you already have, get fit and healthy. Basically, the key is to be happy being alone. If you can't be happy being alone, you're co-dependent. This will only lead you into a toxic relationship the next time around, where your mood will be dependent on how your relationship is going.

The best mindset going into a relationship will be one where the person you are dating doesn't make you happy, because you already are, rather having them enhances your happiness.

Another important note is, you should cut ties with people you dated in the past (unless there are children involved). You cannot make a successful future with your significant other, if you are not willing to let go of the past. Again, not letting go is a sign of codependency.

Good luck to those going through this as we hit the holiday season. It's going to be tough and you're best cure is having a headstrong mindset and letting time do its thing.

How can I prove you that I really loved her?

I bought her a 8k engagement ring, i bought her a 5k wedding band set, I bought her a 2k wedding gift.

I dropped so many things for her, soccer, friends, gym, video games, life.

I always tried to plan something romantic, dinner, movies, valentine dates. Did my own research to always try and do something nice. I was too much of a nice guy.

I honestly do not know why do you doubt my love for her?

You first reaction was all the money you spent on her - lol.

I doubt you ever loved her because in your own words, you were not attracted to her.

So out of 8 years, 1/16th of it I was not attracted to her and that means I do not love her?

Because that was a lot of money I spent =(