why suicide? - Page 2

I've been reading that blog for some time, it's kind of a reflection of most of us. Some of us have had the balls to come out, and tell people, but the rest of us have well-crafted lies. Lies about why we can't drive, about why we don't work, why we didn't go to a certain college, why we don't travel, or go on vacations, and so many more. It was a weird feeling to realize that I could look at someone straight in the eye, and bullshit up the most believable story, and have them trust it. And we start to believe the lies, hell, I almost turned down some free money for college because my pride wouldn't let me tell everyone that I wasn't going to a "better" school.

Though I think it's stupid to victimize ourselves, there are people starving, dying, fighting to survive. An identity-crisis is nothing compared to that.

Haha, I'm not even sure what my original point was in posting all this .

Thank You.


I've been living in this country for almost 12 years. And since age 7 to 19 that I am today, I have never felt like there was any other person on this planet going through the exact same feelings, ideas and emotions that I go through on a daily basis.
For every single morning in the last few years, I have had to make the decision to live another day. Lying about my status on almost a daily basis has natively grown into me, up to a point where my brain, muscles, and everything physical can talk to a psychiatrist and for an absolutely unknown reason, not tell her the truth; and do it so well that she whole heatedly believes me. It's sad, but what is worse is that I lie to a person I pay to meet with, using my own money, and I don't know what to do about it.

I too live a completely different life on the outside, than whom I really am. Knowing I lack something that every single person around me has, and knowing that I alone can do nothing about it, has pushed me to blend in at such precision that I sometimes am afraid of it.
I have forced myself to completely forget the native language of my home country, and embraced English with such strength that as to excel at it well beyond my peers.

This is my life, this is my story, this is my country.

No where else will I be happy; sadly the faint line that exists between my future, and my coffin, is hope.

Reading through posts on this forum is putting me through an experience I myself cannot describe. Reading words which I've always believed to have only existed in my mind, on an discussion over the internet, written by a complete strange is mind blowing.
What ever hope I hold on to suddenly feels a lot stronger, just by knowing that there are others out there, not only undocumented humans, but undocumented humans just like me.

I too am 19 year old, and live through a lifetimes worth of stress, on a daily basis.
I too am going bald, I too have been near my breaking point.

I believe; I know we have been through more stress, struggle, and constraints than our peers will experience in their life time. And We have all suffered from it, both physically and mentally.

I hope that a future exists for me, for us.
And I hope that living through all of this, will help us then.

Thank You.

Just get laid more often and you will feel better. I know that it sounds like a joke, but I am being real. Try to live a normal life. Have a beer from time to time, get laid, watch good flicks, and most importantly, work hard.

oh please, this is soo emo, i just hate when ppl bitch about how crappy their lives are. I mean for pete's sake, there are ppl in Africa who have it worse than any one of us so quit whining. If you ever even think about doing something stupid as killin yourself then all it proves is that you are an idiot who is totally incapable of living a good life. I know that i might sound mean and harsh to some of you but i'm merely stating the fact. Everyone faces crisis some point in their lives and that doesn't stop most people so quit being a whiny loser and take what you have for granted and be thankful. peace.

Stevieola,

As much as you don't agree with suicide, and of course I don't either, if a dreamer can't share how they feel and not be put down once more on the Dream Act Portal message boards, where can he?

Being undocumented sucks for everyone, but it's definitely harder on some people, and people react differently to different situations.

I think suicide is the most selfish thing a person can do, and I'm ashamed to say I had slight thoughts about it on my darkest days. However, I can see how kids in this situation, with some more aggravations could snap and do it, maybe in the bottom of their hearts just trying to be seen, or to be heard, or to no be invisible anymore. Being invisible sucks. But, if you're having these thoughts, pull yourself together, man. Think that things will get better, because they will. Don't put roadblocks where there are none though, you probably already have enough. Tell your psychiatrist. She can't tell anyone, and it will feel good.

That scares me, the ability to bullshit stories and sort of making yourself believe they are true.

To my friends I went out of state because it was about the same price as staying in-state and paying room and board, and because I had too much pride to stay in a place that did not rank nationally (reality is I am going to the cheapest place I got into). To them I am too lazy to get a driver's license, I am also boring because I do not talk much or go out to parties (I often avoid outings if I feel they might do something that will grab the wrong kind of attention). To them I was too lazy to take DE classes, or apply to programs, or go into the excellent schools I got into, or even take paid internships while I am in school. Hell, I am running out of excuses now that I am 21.

That is the stress that I go through every day that I talk to them, and I think that now its affecting me for the worse, I have essentially cut contact with most of my friends in my home state, and I have stopped talking to other friends in my school, I am basically trying to force myself into maintaining the few ties that I have, but all I can think of is the many ties that have been broken, the academic promises I had made mysel and have not been completed, and the semester that I got a freaking 0.8 GPA (compared to the 3.8 average i got the first year) because according to the psychologist I had severe anxiety with depression.
I went to the sessions but I never really felt they understood me. I have never considered suicide, but the symptoms of depression manifested themselves physically, after taking abnormal psychology I learned that I met 7 or 8 of the 9 points that classifies a person as having depression, you are only supposed to meet 4 points to be classified as meeting the criteria for depression.

In any case depression is a very common occurrence, most people have it at some point in their lives, however its when it manifests itself over a prolonged period that it could affect one's life in a very negative manner and its best to seek help.

sorry for the rant/whining post. In the end things are looking better, I managed to bring my GPA up last semester, not to its peak because I went to the psychologists just last semester, but at least I started to do above average again after the midterms in all my classes. All I have to say about that experience is to realize when something is not right, seek help and never give up hope, in the worst of situations good things can still happen.

I'm merely stating the fact, everyone has it rough and when the life gets tough, the tough gets going. I totally understand how bad our lives can be, but he or she can't expect to earn our pity just by whining about it or mentioning suicide. Again, I think i sound kind of harsh but whenever i hear something related to suicide, i just have to lay down the hammer because it's the WRONG WAY TO GO. Here, this should cheer you up http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEDtB...eature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGdCeMayUjk