Undocumented dating - Page 2

I dunno. Anybody who wouldn't date a dreamer probably isn't worth it anyways I just say this because I'm a USC and I married a dreamer. Hehe. It's added "stress", but if that person can't handle stress then you might won't someone stronger than that!

So I went to this Christmas dinner last night and met this really really nice chick, we didn't really talk much. We basically spent the entire night looking and smiling at each other. Without me knowing my step mom went up to her and told her I was single and I liked her. Long story short I added her on facebook, the problem is I don't know where to go from here I don't know what to say. All am thinking about is my status.... Like she deserves better than me... I just don't know what to do. Should I try and talk to her... Idk...?

"She deserves better than me" That's a bad thing to be thinking about yourself. Your status here has nothing to do with who you really are and what kind of person you are and anything you can bring to the relationship. My wife says that a lot and I absolutely hate it. She's amazing.

So yes, you should talk to her.

Yes, definitely talk to her! I know that because of our situation, we oftentimes would rather not put ourselves out there, out of fear of eventually having to reveal ourselves. However, you two may turn out to have a pretty awesome connection, and it's worth trying, I would say. No risk, no reward...and the potential for love is a pretty good reward imo..I say give it a go! =)

You gotta do it early on. If you don't, then you're going to have that bringing you down. I told my gf about two weeks into us dating, and she's been very supportive. We've been together for 2.5 years now, and i'm glad i told her early on.

I told my husband on the first date, before we started dating. I think it's best, don't surprise them later. What if he's a racist jerk? My darling is white. Not racist. Nice guy. But yeah, before dating. Definitely.

After I had sex with the dude, I'd tell him about a few hours or days later.

Being undocumented affected my last relationship indirectly. I'm usually a cheerful person, but my status had brought on a moody, darker side of me. There are moments when I lapse into depression, and then go back to being cheerful, as if there are 2 sides of me. My ex fell for the cheerful part, but couldn't handle the depressed side.

The time came when I had to drop out of college for awhile coz we couldn't afford it anymore, and around that time I had to explain to him why I couldn't get financial aid and stuff and how I might have to leave this country soon. I guess he grabbed the opportunity to break up with me. He said he just wants to be with someone "normal", someone he can go out and have fun with, someone who might not get deported anytime soon. One of the worst days of my life... having to turn in my withdrawal notice to the school, breaking up, and not knowing where my future leads.

Without the distraction of school, I went to a bitter state of mind. The words "normal" haunted me. I stayed away from social networking sites, stopped talking to friends, just disappeared--partly because a part of me was ashamed that one of the smartest girls in school is now a college drop out, and also because it drove me crazy being around 'normal' people and seeing them live their 'normal' lives.

Eventually I decided to fix myself, and self-pity is getting me nowhere. I started talking to a therapist. I started formulating plans for the future, such as moving to Canada, etc. It gave me goals, motivation, and hope.

Now I'm back in school. My ex tried getting back with me, but he made it clear he doesn't want a relationship because he still doesnt wanna deal with my drama. I figured he just wants a friends with benefits kind of thing. I may be undocumented but I deserve a good guy as much as anyone else. I havent talked to my ex since then.

I felt that the whole experience made me doubtful to trust anyone, because not everyone is willing to deal with a significant other whose future in the country has a big question mark attached to it. It hardened me and it made me less willing to fall in love. I feel that someway or another this whole status issue would come crashing down. It's just hard trying to build a good relationship when you're attempting to build a good future for yourself.

Personally, I want to hold off dating until I'm out of here.If I do find someone, I feel that it will only hold me back and keep me stuck in this country. He may or may not marry me, and I would just be wasting my time when I couldve gotten out of here earlier. My sights are pretty set on leaving, I'm just waiting to finish my degrees.

3 of the guy friends I've told had actually agreed to marrying me for papers, which I declined. My status had already affected so many aspects of my life, and I want marriage to be one of the few things that remains uninfluenced.

See, I haven't dated many people. I only dated one officially so far. He and I went out for 4 years, started in 10th grade in high school. I told him when weird things started coming up (like how come I wasn't working when I clearly needed money, can't travel, stuff like that). To be honest, it's not very hard to put together, especially in a small town like this one, where you have to drive everywhere and people start seeing that you can't get your permit, can't drive, can't work, can't travel too much.

Anyways, we loved each other, and before he had really wanted to be with me for a long time. However, it was hard, I mean at one point he moved out halfway around the country with his parents, and I couldn't even go even though his parents offered to pay for me to go. Long distance relationships are hard, even harder if you can't travel. So we broke it off, but then later got back together.

Then he moved out here with me, and we were serious, but after that time we started realizing that we had changed over time. I mean four years, that's what happens, and we just wanted some things from each other that neither of us possessed, and we were very different from each other. I will say, my situation was a big thing. The good was that he was there to support me and make me smile and distract me, the bad was that as time passed, I started resenting him cause before he wanted a marriage and then later on got cold feet. For me, if someone loves me, it shouldn't make a difference when they would marry me; if there's no doubt in their heart, they would. And if they loved me, they would want me to be happy and want to do whatever to make me happy. The people in my life that I love I would die for, so I want the same. I had wanted to be with him out of love, but over time he started wondering if it was for that. I mean I'll admit, I wanted it to be done faster because of that because it would resolve SO much, but definitely was not my main reason. I would also be so frustrated and sad and angry, and he started feeling guilty.

They say everything happens for a reason though, and I can say that they're right, because later on I realized we shouldn't have been together. We would've regretted it in the long run. We're trying to be friends now. We still love each other as people, and I think we always will, since we shared so much and we have the same friends and memories and past. So just tell them, because if the person loves you, they will stay there for you, and will actually make it better for you, even if they don't end up directly helping you

I wouldn't tell them on a first date though, That's something that unless they suspect or it's accidentally told, I have to trust people to tell them. They have to care about me in some way, because the way I figure it, I want the person to care about what I'm telling them about myself. Personal opinion though.